| Watching a young girl hit, kick, and call
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| | parenting - our culture, the situations
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| her mother names I never imagined a 6
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| | in our lives, and even the way our
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| year old knew, engaged in an (ultimately
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| | parents raised us influence what we think
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| successful) attempt to get dessert led to
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| | is the right way to parent. What is
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| an enlightening luncheon conversation
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| | surprising are the consistent findings
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| with a few friends last week. As parents
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| | about how these different styles of
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| ourselves, we had all dealt with
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| | parenting impact our children's
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| incidents like this and had different
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| | development. The way you parent can
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| opinions on how the mother should have
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| | influence how your children do in school,
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| handled the outbreak. As we talked, it
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| | relate to others, and whether or not they
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| turns out we represented the three most
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| | develop the personal strengths which help
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| common parenting styles identified during
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| | our children to thrive and be able to
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| the last 30 years of psychological
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| | best deal with life's stresses.
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| research. What seems to matter the most
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| | Having spent years studying parenting and
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| is the level of parental demandingness
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| | resiliency, research shows that children
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| and parents being responsive to their
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| | raised by Democratic parents have higher
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| children's changing needs.
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| | self-esteem, do better in school, relate
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| One end of our table clearly represented
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| | better to their peers in large part
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| the Authoritarian parenting style,
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| | because they had greater self-confidence
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| parents with clearly defined rules that
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| | and self control. On the other hand,
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| they expected their children to follow
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| | families with Authoritarian or Permissive
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| without questioning or even discussion.
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| | parenting tend to have children who do
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| Known as the really strict parents,
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| | less well in school, have lower
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| authoritarian parents hold high
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| | self-efficacy, less self-control, and
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| expectations for their children and
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| | lower self-esteem, placing these children
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| believe that parents are, and should be,
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| | more at risk when dealing with life's
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| in complete control. According to Diane
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| | adversities.
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| Baumrind (1996), who developed the
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| | So what about the woman and young girl
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| original parenting style categories,
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| | who wanted ice cream even though she
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| these parents "shape, control and
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| | didn't eat her lunch? What lessons might
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| evaluate the behavior and attitudes of
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| | she have learned during this encounter?
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| the child in accordance with a set of
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| | Instead of learning self-control,
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| standards of conduct, usually an absolute
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| | patience, and the important lesson that
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| standard . . . [which] values obedience
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| | there are consequences to our actions,
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| as a virtue and favors punitive, forceful
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| | she may have learned that she can get
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| measures to curb self-will" (p. 890).
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| | whatever she wants by being aggressive.
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| At the other end of the parenting
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| | She's also learned that her mother will
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| continuum, exhibited by the young girl's
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| | not enforce rules of what is appropriate
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| mother as well as a friend at the other
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| | behavior, even though a six-year old
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| end of the table, are Permissive parents.
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| | isn't able to always make such a
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| Such parents place few, if any demands on
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| | decision. Imagine the impact of this when
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| their children, allowing children
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| | she's with her friends or as she enters
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| "complete freedom to make life decisions
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| | the teenage years or beyond.
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| without referring to parents for advice .
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| | Being a parent is one of the most
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| . ." (Hickman, Bartholomae, & McKenry,
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| | difficult jobs in the world, in part
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| 2000, p. 42). Permissive parents allow
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| | because the demands of parenting change
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| the "child to regulate his own activities
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| | as our children grow. What may have
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| as much as possible, avoid the exercise
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| | worked with toddlers is not necessarily
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| of control" (Baumrind, 1966, p. 889),
| |
| | the best way to approach it when our
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| often those parents who view themselves
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| | children are growing, becoming more
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| as their children's friends or peers more
| |
| | independent. As the research shows a
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| than the parent-child relationship.
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| | parenting style which balances parents'
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| Sitting in the middle of the table were
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| | expectations and guidance while allowing
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| the Authoritative or Democratic parents,
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| | the child to have more input can be the
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| who are an integration of the other two
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| | best for helping our children grow into
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| parenting styles, setting clear rules and
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| | successful, resilient adults. And isn't
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| expectations but also encouraging
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| | that what parenting is all about?
|
| discussion and give-and-take, especially
| |
| | Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of
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| as their children get older and are able
| |
| | authoritative parental control on
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| to take more responsibility for
| |
| | children. Child Development, 37 (2), 887
|
| themselves. Such parents "remain
| |
| | - 907.
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| receptive to the child's views but take
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| | Baumrind, D. (1996). The discipline
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| responsibility for firmly guiding the
| |
| | controversy revisited. Family Relations,
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| child's actions, emphasizing reasoning,
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| | 45 (4).
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| communication, and rational discussion in
| |
| | Hickman, G.P., Bartholomae, S. & McKenry,
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| interactions that are friendly as well as
| |
| | P.C. (2000) Influence of parenting styles
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| tutorial and disciplinary" (Baumrind,
| |
| | on the adjustment and academic
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| 1996, p. 410).
| |
| | achievement of traditional college
|
| No surprise that there are big
| |
| | freshman. Journal of College Student
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| differences in the ways we approach
| |
| | Development, 41, 41 - 52.
|
