Children's Self-Esteem

Most parents want their young children to have aOne point to make is that young children are unlikely to
healthy sense of self-esteem. That desire can also behave their self-esteem strengthened from excessive
seen in education--schools around the country includepraise or flattery. On the contrary, it may raise some
self-esteem among their goals. Many observersdoubts in children; many children can see through
believe that low self-esteem lies at the bottom offlattery and may even dismiss an adult who heaps on
many of society's problems.praise as a poor source of support--one who is not
Even though self-esteem has been studied for morevery believable.
than 100 years, specialists and educators continue toThe following points may be helpful in strengthening
debate its precise nature and development.and supporting a healthy sense of self-esteem in your
Nevertheless, they generally agree that parents andchild:
other adults who are important to children play a majorAs they grow, children become increasingly sensitive
role in laying a solid foundation for a child'sto the evaluations of their peers. You and your child's
development.teachers can help your child learn to build healthy
What Is Self-Esteem?relationships with his or her peers.
When parents and teachers of young children talkWhen children develop stronger ties with their peers in
about the need for good self-esteem, they usuallyschool or around the neighborhood, they may begin to
mean that children should have "good feelings" aboutevaluate themselves differently from the way they
themselves. With young children, self-esteem refers towere taught at home. You can help your child by being
the extent to which they expect to be accepted andclear about your own values and keeping the lines of
valued by the adults and peers who are important tocommunication open about experiences outside the
them.home.
Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem feel thatChildren do not acquire self-esteem at once nor do
the important adults in their lives accept them, carethey always feel good about themselves in every
about them, and would go out of their way to ensuresituation. A child may feel self-confident and accepted
that they are safe and well. They feel that thoseat home but not around the neighborhood or in a
adults would be upset if anything happened to thempreschool class. Furthermore, as children interact with
and would miss them if they were separated. Childrentheir peers or learn to function in school or some other
with low self-esteem, on the other hand, feel that theplace, they may feel accepted and liked one moment
important adults and peers in their lives do not acceptand feel different the next. You can help in these
them, do not care about them very much, and wouldinstances by reassuring your child that you support and
not go out of their way to ensure their safety andaccept him or her even while others do not.
well-being.A child's sense of self-worth is more likely to deepen
During their early years, young children's self-esteem iswhen adults respond to the child's interests and efforts
based largely on their perceptions of how thewith appreciation rather than just praise. For example, if
important adults in their lives judge them. The extent toyour child shows interest in something you are doing,
which children believe they have the characteristicsyou might include the child in the activity. Or if the child
valued by the important adults and peers in their livesshows interest in an animal in the garden, you might
figures greatly in the development of self-esteem. Forhelp the child find more information about it. In this way,
example, in families and communities that value athleticyou respond positively to your child's interest by
ability highly, children who excel in athletics are likely totreating it seriously. Flattery and praise, on the contrary,
have a high level of self-esteem, whereas childrendistract children from the topics they are interested in.
who are less athletic or who are criticized as beingChildren may develop a habit of showing interest in a
physically inept or clumsy are likely to suffer from lowtopic just to receive flattery.
self-esteem.Young children are more likely to benefit from tasks
Families, communities, and ethnic and cultural groupsand activities that offer a real challenge than from
vary in the criteria on which self-esteem is based. Forthose that are merely frivolous or fun. For example,
example, some groups may emphasize physicalyou can involve your child in chores around the house,
appearance, and some may evaluate boys and girlssuch as preparing meals or caring for pets, that stretch
differently. Stereotyping, prejudice, and discriminationhis or her abilities and give your child a sense of
are also factors that may contribute to lowaccomplishment.
self-esteem among children.Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children
How Can We Help Children Develop a Healthy Senseare esteemed by the adults who are important to
of Self-Esteem?them. To esteem children means to treat them
The foundations of self-esteem are laid early in liferespectfully, ask their views and opinions, take their
when infants develop attachments with the adults whoviews and opinions seriously, and give them meaningful
are responsible for them. When adults readily respondand realistic feedback.
to their cries and smiles, babies learn to feel loved andYou can help your child develop and maintain healthy
valued. Children come to feel loved and accepted byself-esteem by helping him or her cope with defeats,
being loved and accepted by people they look up to.rather than emphasizing constant successes and
As young children learn to trust their parents andtriumphs. During times of disappointment or crisis, your
others who care for them to satisfy their basic needs,child's weakened self-esteem can be strengthened
they gradually feel wanted, valued, and loved.when you let the child know that your love and
Self-esteem is also related to children's feelings ofsupport remain unchanged. When the crisis has
belonging to a group and being able to adequatelypassed, you can help your child reflect on what went
function in their group. When toddlers becomewrong. The next time a crisis occurs, your child can
preschoolers, for example, they are expected touse the knowledge gained from overcoming past
control their impulses and adopt the rules of the familydifficulties to help cope with a new crisis. A child's
and community in which they are growing. Successfullysense of self-worth and self-confidence is not likely to
adjusting to these groups helps to strengthen feelingsdeepen when adults deny that life has its ups and
of belonging to them.downs.