| I want to firstly clear up a major parenting | | | | were overly aggressive when they used a high |
| misconception. There is no one right way to | | | | limit style. |
| raise a child. As with buying a car, becoming | | | | |
| friends with your neighbours, or hanging out | | | | Research has concluded that using a more low |
| your clothes to dry, there is no one correct | | | | love/high limit parenting style is better |
| style you need to use for raising a | | | | then a low love/low limit style as children |
| healthy-minded child. | | | | develop poor behavioral patterns from the low |
| | | | discipline parenting style. It is easy on you |
| There a typically four parenting styles based | | | | to use the low love/low limit style because |
| on parenting research: | | | | you avoid any action and possible counteracts |
| | | | your child may give. |
| 1. low love/low limits | | | | |
| | | | In one popular episode of Dr Phil, the Doctor |
| 2. low love/high limits | | | | was trying to solve a family's disciplining |
| | | | problems. The mum whom he was talking to on |
| 3. high love/low limits | | | | the show had this mindset of not disciplining |
| | | | her children because they would perceive her |
| 4. high love/high limits | | | | in a negative light. Dr Phil got through to |
| | | | the mum by saying something along these |
| The love and limit parenting styles deal with | | | | lines, "That is an extremely selfish act by |
| how the parent disciplines their child | | | | not disciplining your children because of |
| children. | | | | their poor behaviour. You really are only |
| | | | caring about yourself." The mum completely |
| Love means the parent disciplines using love | | | | agreed and began to change her behavioural |
| such as comforting and negotiations. While | | | | disciplining style. |
| limits means the parent disciplines using | | | | |
| either passive, assertive, or aggressive | | | | However, do be careful with a high limit |
| discipline. | | | | style that moderates the child's behaviour as |
| | | | it is more controlling and not recommended if |
| A short example of each of these limit styles | | | | more assertive and loving styles can be used. |
| are: Passive discipline is doing nothing; | | | | No one likes to be put on a pyschological |
| Assertive discipline is addressing the | | | | collar, dragged around, and poked by the |
| problem with you and the child coming out as | | | | person controlling them. Do not use |
| winners such as negotiation; Aggressive | | | | unnecessary control when effective |
| discipline can be smacking the child. | | | | communication skills can be utilised as it |
| | | | erects a barrier to communication and makes |
| You do not necessarily have one of these four | | | | the other person shut you out. |
| parenting styles, but these are the major | | | | |
| four and you do use both love and limits | | | | As a parent, you need to utilise a high love |
| regardless of who you are. It's about finding | | | | style while finding the right limit style. In |
| the right balance of love and limits that | | | | a situation where the child is under physical |
| suit you and your child's situation. | | | | danger or some other major problem could |
| | | | result, you may need to be aggressive. When |
| If you have a high love parenting style, then | | | | something needs to be done such as your |
| you'll reason, talk, and spend more time with | | | | children are noisy and they need to go to |
| them. | | | | bed, an assertive approach is recommended |
| | | | such as, "Your squeeling ('The why' e.g. |
| If you have a high limit parenting style, you | | | | their noise) is making a lot of noise in the |
| use your authoriative power. This is said to | | | | house and has made me angry ('The what.' |
| be more old school with techniques such as | | | | Preferrably a tangible effect for children)." |
| smacking and the cane. It also includes a | | | | Lastly a passive or low limit approach where |
| more recommended technique, assertive | | | | you do nothing could be used when the child |
| communication. You attempt to establish the | | | | spills a drink provided it was an accident. |
| child's discipline based on their respect for | | | | Of course, you would clean the mess-up but |
| you and your desire for them to follow rules. | | | | you shouldn't yell or punish the child for a |
| | | | simple accident. |
| Of the four parenting styles, you use the one | | | | |
| which feels "right" in your mind. | | | | Depending on the situation, you will need to |
| | | | vary the limit style. There is no set style |
| If your parents use a more high limit style | | | | to raise a child, except to have the style of |
| and you felt this put you inline, then its | | | | variation. Be loving and be ready to adjust |
| likely you'll adopt the same disciplining | | | | your limiting style to use passive, |
| techniques. On the otherhand, you could use a | | | | assertive, or aggressive behavioural |
| high love style because you felt your parents | | | | discipline. |