| Consistency is the catchword in parenting. It | | | | calmly and rationally, rather than use them |
| is the only word that is consistently used | | | | as pawns in some kind of power games between |
| for defining your conduct in speech and | | | | you. |
| expression and in action in relation to you | | | | |
| and your child plus you and your spouse. | | | | You don't even have to agree on everything - |
| | | | as long as you agree to disagree. But even |
| If you are not consistent, your child gets | | | | when you disagree, you DO have to back each |
| ample opportunity to manipulate you and play | | | | other up in front of the children. If your |
| one parent against the other. But achieving | | | | partner has said NO you must say NO too; and |
| consistency is a difficult feat, no doubt! | | | | then discuss it between you privately. If you |
| And can become more difficult if the other | | | | say NO, you would hope that (s)he would also |
| parent is too rigid to change his/her | | | | back you up. |
| behavior for the child. | | | | |
| | | | Otherwise the kids will simply go from one |
| Here are some helpful tips: | | | | parent to the next looking for the answer |
| | | | they want. |
| First of all, make a plan in advance about | | | | |
| how you would like to deal with particular | | | | So, once again, the key to consistency |
| situations. This will help you crystallize | | | | between parents is the same as being |
| your own thoughts and put things in | | | | consistent yourself - plan ahead. Spend time |
| perspective. | | | | discussing your rules and expectations so |
| | | | that you can come up with a coherent plan. |
| The idea is to pre-empt the situation and if | | | | One way to do this is to read a parenting |
| it still happens, your plan will help you | | | | book together and then discuss it. |
| deal with it calmly by doing what you have | | | | |
| already planned. | | | | Some parents find it difficult to agree on |
| | | | even fundamental ways of handling situations. |
| Without that, you will find yourself put on | | | | This often stems from different styles and |
| the spot and, not having a plan, you will | | | | beliefs. |
| simply react with the first idea that comes | | | | |
| to mind (which often involves a lot of | | | | In such a scenario, it is best to be true to |
| yelling and threatening!) And next time you | | | | yourself. By virtue of the same rule, give |
| will probably react differently. | | | | freedom to your partner to do the same. |
| | | | |
| Decide also which battles are worth fighting | | | | This may result in some very different |
| - and chill out about the others. The rule | | | | parenting styles - one being permissive the |
| here is that if you have a rule you MUST | | | | other being authoritarian. The children are |
| enforce it - every time without fail. If you | | | | not stupid. They will quickly work this out, |
| are not prepared to do that, then clearly the | | | | and will know what they can get away with and |
| rule is not that important, in which case you | | | | with whom. |
| should drop it. | | | | |
| | | | This is an unfortunate situation and the |
| As a family you can decide certain norms that | | | | sooner the gap between you is reduced the |
| are essential and others that are preferred | | | | better it would be, otherwise it will create |
| behavior. For instance, some mothers allow | | | | more problems in daily life. Since you cannot |
| their children to put their feet on the sofa, | | | | change the other, it is advisable to make |
| others don't. It's up to you. What is | | | | some changes in your attitude. At least it |
| important is to stick with what you have | | | | will be more consistent for the children. |
| decided. Don't keep changing your stance | | | | |
| every now and then. | | | | If your behavior is not consistent, then the |
| | | | situation can become so bad that one parent |
| Honestly, it is these grey areas that cause | | | | will completely destroy the credibility of |
| the maximum stress. If you are not clear | | | | the other parent. This kind of situation |
| about them, you can't expect your children to | | | | should not be allowed to continue. It is time |
| read your mind when you want something done | | | | to think seriously about your relationship |
| in a particular manner. Once you make up your | | | | and what to do about it. The children will |
| mind you will see how the stress goes away. | | | | learn to disrespect all types of authority, |
| | | | and you will fall in your own estimation. |
| But what if you have a plan, but your partner | | | | |
| keeps undermining it? | | | | Remember, if you always do what you have |
| | | | always done, you will always get what you |
| Now this reveals a great deal about your | | | | have always got... if you want something to |
| relationship as a couple. This is the area | | | | change, YOU will have to do something about |
| where you need to work on your relationship. | | | | it. Don't keep waiting for someone else to |
| Make sure that you discuss the children | | | | change first. |