| Consistency is the catchword in
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| | rather than use them as pawns in some
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| parenting. It is the only word that is
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| | kind of power games between you.
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| consistently used for defining your
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| | You don't even have to agree on
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| conduct in speech and expression and in
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| | everything - as long as you agree to
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| action in relation to you and your child
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| | disagree. But even when you disagree, you
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| plus you and your spouse.
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| | DO have to back each other up in front of
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| If you are not consistent, your child
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| | the children. If your partner has said NO
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| gets ample opportunity to manipulate you
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| | you must say NO too; and then discuss it
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| and play one parent against the other.
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| | between you privately. If you say NO, you
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| But achieving consistency is a difficult
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| | would hope that (s)he would also back you
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| feat, no doubt! And can become more
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| | up.
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| difficult if the other parent is too
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| | Otherwise the kids will simply go from
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| rigid to change his/her behavior for the
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| | one parent to the next looking for the
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| child.
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| | answer they want.
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| Here are some helpful tips:
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| | So, once again, the key to consistency
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| First of all, make a plan in advance
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| | between parents is the same as being
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| about how you would like to deal with
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| | consistent yourself - plan ahead. Spend
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| particular situations. This will help you
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| | time discussing your rules and
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| crystallize your own thoughts and put
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| | expectations so that you can come up with
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| things in perspective.
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| | a coherent plan. One way to do this is to
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| The idea is to pre-empt the situation and
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| | read a parenting book together and then
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| if it still happens, your plan will help
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| | discuss it.
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| you deal with it calmly by doing what you
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| | Some parents find it difficult to agree
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| have already planned.
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| | on even fundamental ways of handling
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| Without that, you will find yourself put
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| | situations. This often stems from
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| on the spot and, not having a plan, you
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| | different styles and beliefs.
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| will simply react with the first idea
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| | In such a scenario, it is best to be true
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| that comes to mind (which often involves
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| | to yourself. By virtue of the same rule,
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| a lot of yelling and threatening!) And
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| | give freedom to your partner to do the
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| next time you will probably react
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| | same.
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| differently.
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| | This may result in some very different
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| Decide also which battles are worth
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| | parenting styles - one being permissive
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| fighting - and chill out about the
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| | the other being authoritarian. The
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| others. The rule here is that if you have
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| | children are not stupid. They will
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| a rule you MUST enforce it - every time
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| | quickly work this out, and will know what
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| without fail. If you are not prepared to
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| | they can get away with and with whom.
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| do that, then clearly the rule is not
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| | This is an unfortunate situation and the
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| that important, in which case you should
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| | sooner the gap between you is reduced the
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| drop it.
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| | better it would be, otherwise it will
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| As a family you can decide certain norms
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| | create more problems in daily life. Since
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| that are essential and others that are
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| | you cannot change the other, it is
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| preferred behavior. For instance, some
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| | advisable to make some changes in your
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| mothers allow their children to put their
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| | attitude. At least it will be more
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| feet on the sofa, others don't. It's up
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| | consistent for the children.
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| to you. What is important is to stick
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| | If your behavior is not consistent, then
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| with what you have decided. Don't keep
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| | the situation can become so bad that one
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| changing your stance every now and then.
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| | parent will completely destroy the
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| Honestly, it is these grey areas that
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| | credibility of the other parent. This
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| cause the maximum stress. If you are not
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| | kind of situation should not be allowed
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| clear about them, you can't expect your
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| | to continue. It is time to think
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| children to read your mind when you want
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| | seriously about your relationship and
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| something done in a particular manner.
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| | what to do about it. The children will
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| Once you make up your mind you will see
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| | learn to disrespect all types of
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| how the stress goes away.
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| | authority, and you will fall in your own
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| But what if you have a plan, but your
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| | estimation.
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| partner keeps undermining it?
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| | Remember, if you always do what you have
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| Now this reveals a great deal about your
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| | always done, you will always get what you
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| relationship as a couple. This is the
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| | have always got... if you want something
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| area where you need to work on your
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| | to change, YOU will have to do something
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| relationship. Make sure that you discuss
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| | about it. Don't keep waiting for someone
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| the children calmly and rationally,
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| | else to change first.
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