| Is your child considered oppositional? Are they defiant | | | | don't all work. I know! But we are minimizing your |
| and won't comply with anything you say? Do they | | | | struggles. |
| have a strong need to be in control of their world? As | | | | If meal time is a struggle you put out their dinner and |
| a therapist, a school counselor, a mom, and a grandma, | | | | that is all they get to eat - they can eat that or go |
| I understand what that feels like. Not so much from my | | | | hungry. Their choice. If they throw fits in the store, try |
| own children, but from trying to help parents with their | | | | to find a babysitter or go to the store without them. |
| defiant children or trying to help teachers and schools | | | | Do not get into power struggles with them! This is one |
| with kids who refuse to do as asked. This is also a | | | | of the best things you can do, because when there is |
| large part of my private practice. | | | | a power struggle, they think they have won. Feel free |
| I believe the approach I use most often with these | | | | to walk away, because the truth is, you are the adult |
| children is stay ahead of them and give them few | | | | and you have the ultimate control anyway, so don't go |
| choices. When they have choices they manipulate the | | | | head to head with them over something minor. You |
| situation and make you work harder at it than they are. | | | | can always come back later and discipline them for |
| This is a case of calling for non-traditional parenting. | | | | not listening to you i.e. "I'm sorry you chose to not do |
| There is the healthy way to parent mentally healthy | | | | your chores yesterday and because if that I'm taking |
| children, but these children will get the best of you if | | | | away your video games until you do your chores 5 |
| you let them. | | | | days in a row." This is less stress on you, you have |
| Be strict, structured and directive with an oppositional | | | | had time to get away from the situation, and are |
| child. When they know that you mean business they | | | | making a calmer decision. You can also talk to the |
| may not try to push your buttons as much as | | | | other parent about it. |
| someone else they can manipulate. For example, if | | | | It is also important to be a united front as parents. |
| they fight about what to wear, you give them one | | | | Children need to know they can not split the parent's |
| option - you will wear this shirt and these jeans | | | | loyalties by lying or manipulating. Always check with |
| tomorrow. Now, I know there is no simple answer and | | | | the other parent. |
| the child can still get defiant and say " I won't wear | | | | These are only a few of the wonderful suggestions I |
| those and I won't go to school." If they are young | | | | have for working with oppositional-defiant children. |
| enough, you take them to school in their pajamas with | | | | Remember, it takes strength, fortitude, patience, and |
| their clothes in a bag to put on when they are ready. | | | | sometimes walking away until later. A power struggle |
| Perhaps the embarrassment will get to them. Trust | | | | never works. |
| me, I have had many parents try these things and they | | | | |