| If your child is being bullied, you must step in, and step in | | | | your children is a bully, don't let him or her get away |
| now. If you don't complain to the school, for example, | | | | with it. You are doing them no favors and, as they |
| they will ignore the problem, even when a teacher or | | | | mature, they will become a danger to you, as well as |
| other staff member is the bully. And too often they | | | | to their siblings and others they meet. |
| are. I had an experienced high school teacher we | | | | In 1982 I wrote an article for the Canadian magazine, |
| were all terrified of, especially a classmate who had | | | | Annals of St. Anne de Beaupré, in which I |
| problems with his kidneys and urinary tract. The day | | | | mentioned, along with other subjects, that we should |
| finally came when the teacher refused to allow the | | | | be careful how much we interfere in our children's lives, |
| boy to leave one more time to go to the restroom | | | | so that we don't lead them to expect that someone |
| during class, and the urine went all over the floor. Do | | | | will always be there to rescue them. I still believe that. |
| you think that child wasn't scarred for life? Do you | | | | However, times continue to change and bullying has |
| think we didn't all hate that teacher's guts? It could | | | | increased, along with the world's deteriorating moral |
| have been any of us who were embarrassed like that, | | | | values. Even if your stepping in consists only of |
| but no disciplinary action against the teacher was ever | | | | teaching your child how to defend herself, and how to |
| taken. | | | | avoid nasty confrontations, you must act. This is a |
| If you don't complain to church officials, when that's | | | | time-honored parental responsibility. If your intervention |
| where the abuse is taking place, your child may suffer | | | | is that of taking the topic to school administrators, then |
| irreparable damage. There is no stronger emotion than | | | | that should be done at the first signs of trouble. Don't |
| that of betrayal when spiritual trust has been | | | | wait until your child is physically hurt or emotionally |
| destroyed. If officials do nothing, take whatever legal | | | | devastated. |
| steps you have to take, to make them pay attention | | | | In spite of what licensed child psychologists or pastors |
| to you. You may need to move from the | | | | may tell you, sooner or later you will have to teach |
| neighborhood while the case is making its way through | | | | your children how to fight back, not just turn the other |
| the courts, but deal with it, Mom! Deal with it, Dad! You | | | | cheek, or run away. Someone will come along who is |
| are the parents of your child; your church is not. | | | | stronger or faster than they are, so teach them to kick |
| Sometimes, children are bullied outside of school or | | | | and scratch and scream, whatever it takes to get |
| church facilities but on the way to and from the | | | | away from a bully or kidnapper. You will need to |
| buildings. It is still the school's or church's moral, if not | | | | channel any "passing phase" obnoxious childhood |
| legal, responsibility to do something about the offending | | | | tantrums into proper expressions of indignation and |
| child or children. The parents of the bully need to be | | | | outrage, when something inappropriate is being done to |
| called in and warned that their child is jeopardizing his | | | | them, such as touching their private parts, or unwanted |
| own and their own future security. A suggestion that | | | | tickling. Children need to be taught to respect authority, |
| counseling may be in order will probably be rejected, | | | | but not at the expense of their own safety, their own |
| but it should be made. | | | | innocence, or their dignity. |
| At times it is obvious that the bullying child is being | | | | If children reach adulthood before they run into a bully, |
| bullied at home, and a watchful eye should be kept for | | | | perhaps an abusive employer, a conniving co-worker, |
| signs of abuse to her. Yes, bullies have been, and still | | | | or other empire builder, it will require verbal skills to |
| often are girls, though the majority are boys. Children | | | | stand up for themselves instead of punching out the |
| repeat what they learn. When a 3-year-old in my | | | | guy or gal. Those skills are best taught at a young age, |
| Sunday School class takes off his leather belt and | | | | also, although they can be acquired the hard way. And |
| begins hitting another child with the buckle end of it, you | | | | while you're at it, teach them to keep their crap |
| can bet I take the belt out of his hand. I return it to the | | | | detectors turned on 24 hours a day. There's plenty of |
| highly embarrassed mother when she comes to pick | | | | that flying around. |
| him up. | | | | Bullies are not just another challenge. They're a major |
| Don't beat your own children. It's wrong and the entire | | | | life threat. |
| world will find out about it sooner or later! But if one of | | | | |