| Trying to understand how to help your teen in a world | | | | choosing well will help them build good relationships. |
| that is constantly changing is like trying to hit a target | | | | Change Your Aim |
| that constantly moves. Just when your aim is right on | | | | Changing your parenting style for the teen years |
| target, things change - your kids change. | | | | means you change your focus from punishment and |
| Parents are often bewildered when trying to keep up | | | | discipline to training and character building. |
| with the always changing world of teens. It's like trying | | | | The focus of the boundaries you set should become |
| to get a drink of water from a fire hydrant, or holding a | | | | more about obedience, respect, and honesty, which |
| fistful of sand. Knowing how to set the right standards | | | | are the top three qualities necessary to build |
| and enforce the right discipline can be overwhelming, | | | | relationships. Respect, more than anything else, allows |
| and may seem impossible. | | | | all others to fall into their proper place. |
| The key to success in this arena lies in learning to | | | | Conversely, disobedience, disrespect, and dishonesty |
| adapt your parenting style to be more fluid, more | | | | destroy relationships, and need to be addressed when |
| accessible. | | | | they appear also. Dishonesty, more than anything else, |
| As your child develops into a teen, you no longer have | | | | destroys trust in relationships. |
| the luxury of making demands and expecting things to | | | | Hold your teen responsible for the direction they |
| remain the same. | | | | choose, and cause them to own it. They will make |
| Whether you like it or not, things change, and you must | | | | some mistakes, but that's alright. If they lay the blame |
| be able to understand and move with the culture, and | | | | on you, however, remember to put the responsibility |
| set appropriate boundaries. I'm not saying you should | | | | clearly back on them. |
| stop caring about your family rules and beliefs. What I | | | | Tell them, "this is not about me, or my mistakes, this is |
| am saying is that how you enforce the rules must | | | | about you. I will never be a perfect parent, but if you |
| change. | | | | don't change things, this will hurt you in your |
| Otherwise, your child will be unprepared to cope with a | | | | relationships in the future. |
| culture that is constantly changing. They won't develop | | | | Change Your Attitudes |
| healthy relationships. They will remain immature and | | | | Changing your style of parenting teens in order to |
| irresponsible, because all of the decisions have always | | | | meet the demands of today's world also means that |
| been made for them. | | | | you refocus your own attitudes and behavior as well: |
| Change The Boundaries | | | | •Move from lecturing to discussing |
| Adapting your style must include learning how to set | | | | •Move from entertaining to experiencing |
| appropriate boundaries for their newly acquired | | | | something together |
| behaviors, and giving them the choice for the direction | | | | •Move from demanding everything, to asking |
| they need to go. | | | | them their ideas about everything |
| A good example of how this works comes from the | | | | •Move from seeking justice to giving grace |
| time I spend training horses. When I put a fence around | | | | •Move from seeing everything that's wrong |
| a horse, I am setting up boundaries. The horse can go | | | | and finding more of what's right |
| anywhere it likes like within those fences.f a problem | | | | •Move from spending time always telling |
| develops, I move the fences in a bit, and reinforce the | | | | them to more time listening |
| boundaries. The same can be true with your teen. Set | | | | •Move from giving your opinion to waiting until |
| boundaries, and allow your teen to choose his direction | | | | you are asked. |
| within those boundaries. | | | | It is difficult for teens today to grow up and move on. |
| If a problem develops, or things change, move the | | | | They tend to like their immaturity, and don't feel the |
| boundaries in. Examine their world, and put some | | | | need to grow in their responsibilities. Teaching them to |
| thought into what needs to be done. | | | | grow and own their attitudes and choices is one of the |
| Kids today often engage with one another without | | | | most important character qualities we can help them |
| really interacting or developing any kind of real | | | | develop. |
| relationships. The lack of interaction doesn't help them | | | | So, don't just tell them they need to be responsible, or |
| hone their maturity or grow in their social skills. | | | | that they need to be mature. Instead, carefully identify |
| It's your job to help them grow. So set the boundaries | | | | what is going on in their world, and begin to set out |
| that help them do more than just engage with others - | | | | boundaries that give them responsibility and cause |
| they need to learn how to interact. Let them choose | | | | them to act upon them. |
| the direction they want to go. | | | | And when the next new thing comes along, learn to |
| Allow them to experience the consequences of | | | | adjust the boundaries in ways that help them continue |
| choosing poorly. Help them to see that poor choices | | | | to recognize their need to be mature, responsible, and |
| and crossing healthy boundaries will take their | | | | own up to the consequences of their choices. |
| relationships in directions they don't want to go, and | | | | |