| Most parents have trouble communicating with their | | | | expect certain things from their adult children; after all, |
| twenty-something children. It is a difficult stage of life, a | | | | they raised them with particular goals in mind. For |
| transitional time when adult children ignore their parent's | | | | many young adults, the expectations of parents are |
| advice or view them as clueless. Many times the adult | | | | totally different from the ones they see for |
| children will become unappreciative and hostile, pushing | | | | themselves. Parents need to let go and accept the |
| the parent/child relationship into a downward spiral. | | | | choices of their child, and stop giving advice and listen. |
| Martha Pope Gorris, author of Parenting | | | | Listening is extremely important at this stage. Listen to |
| Twenty-Something Kids says, "There are a lot of | | | | the goals your children have for themselves. Listen |
| things we are doing that need fixing. I think what | | | | seriously; make eye contact, giving them your |
| happens with a lot of us is that we get comfortable | | | | undivided attention. Become a friend they can confide |
| with an instructional mode of parenting. When our kids | | | | in, rather than a controlling authority figure. Respect |
| get into their twenties we are still giving advice, still | | | | what they have to say; support their decisions in the |
| instructing, still guiding. And that is not what our children | | | | same way you would respect one of your friends or |
| need. It is important to accept that fact." | | | | colleagues. |
| When Pope's two daughters reached adulthood, she | | | | Share your own experiences with your adult children. |
| looked for proactive information about how to better | | | | Tell them stories from your past, allowing them to |
| communicate with them. She found there was very | | | | choose if they want to follow your example or not. |
| little available to help families with this transitional stage | | | | Your stories can teach them valuable lessons, making |
| in both a child's and a parent's life. Through her | | | | you more like a friend than an authoritarian figure. This |
| research, she wrote an inspirational guide for parents, | | | | new parenting technique will be more effective when |
| suggesting powerful tips for developing healthier | | | | dealing with adult children. They will come to view you |
| relationships with 20-something kids. | | | | as an equal, and a loving friend they can trust. |
| First, Gorris says, "Recognize the new challenge | | | | The most important thing is to show your children love |
| associated with parenting twenty-something children. | | | | without strings, no matter what path they choose. |
| It's difficult, but rewarding." Sometimes it helps mom | | | | Remember, your children may not hold all the same |
| and dad to look back to when they were in their | | | | beliefs and viewpoints that you do. Accept them for |
| twenties. They will remember it was a time of | | | | the people they have become, affirming them despite |
| independent growth, of not wanting or needing a | | | | their poor decisions, or mistakes. Let them know you |
| parent's advice. This realization helps with the transition | | | | love and care about them, always being available for |
| from parenting methods used for young children to a | | | | them if they need you. Always give them proactive |
| whole new set of rules for young adults. | | | | support and affirmation. |
| All parents want their children to become independent, | | | | Many parents feel they are powerless at this time in |
| able to take care of themselves and become | | | | their children's lives. They regret mistakes they made |
| successful adults. In order for this to happen, parents | | | | when their children were young. But is never too late |
| have to stop trying to control them. Control only leads | | | | to start again. Be honest, willing to apologize to them if |
| to a defensive attitude in children, pushing them further | | | | it is necessary, telling them you would like to do better |
| away. Ask yourself: Will these words or this action | | | | as a parent. That honesty and authenticity will help |
| promote a healthier relationship with my child? Then | | | | your relationship grow into one of mutual love and |
| act accordingly. | | | | respect. |
| Expectations are another form of control. Parents | | | | |