| Is there a lot of stress and strain in your life because | | | | share connections with others and are understood. |
| your children just don't listen? | | | | They learn by understanding. |
| Do you spend the majority of your waking moments | | | | Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. |
| chasing after your children because they are not | | | | They move, feel and express through their bodies. |
| listening to you, and you feel like you have to | | | | Kinesthetics love to touch, feel, do physical activities |
| micro-manage? | | | | and hug. They feel loved when they are touched. |
| Do you have no energy because all your energy is | | | | They learn through touch and through experience. |
| spent being frustrated and blocked by your children's | | | | So children are not any different. If you are giving |
| apparent inability to follow orders? | | | | children orders or directions and they are not picking up |
| Well, the good news is you may be able to get back | | | | your orders because they are in your own |
| your time and energy and a balanced family life simply | | | | communication mode and not their own communication |
| by understanding what the communication block is | | | | mode, they will genuinely not pick up or learn what you |
| between you and your children. | | | | are trying to tell them or teach them. They are not |
| Of course, every child is unique. Some children need | | | | being stubborn or defiant; they genuinely aren't |
| their freedom more than others. Some children enjoy | | | | receiving it. It's like you are talking on an AM radio |
| structure, and some do not. But what they all do have | | | | station and your children are receiving on an FM radio |
| is one, two, three or four communication modalities or | | | | station. |
| communication modes in common. | | | | For example, my youngest son is a Visual child, and I |
| What is a communication modality or mode? | | | | used to have to repeatedly tell him to pick up his |
| As Dr. Robby, Director of the LMC Relationship | | | | clothes and clean his room, but to him, my auditory |
| Centre, Developer of the Better Parents, Better Kids | | | | orders were basically like the teacher's on the Charlie |
| Program, and co-author of our e-book, Better Parents, | | | | Brown cartoons, just a series of muffled noises. But |
| Better Kids, explains: | | | | after learning about communication modes, I realized |
| "Communication is the result you get. Different people | | | | that if I really wanted to get across to him what I |
| are on different channels. We learn, we express love | | | | wanted, I had to show him what I wanted him to do, or |
| and communicate through different modes or | | | | do it with him, since a Visual child, just like Visual adults, |
| combinations of modes. It is important to know who | | | | likes doing things with you, as does a Kinesthetic child. |
| you are playing with and what channel they are playing | | | | The result is that now I never have to repeat myself |
| on, or else your communication will not be very | | | | with my son; he picks up and understands my visual |
| effective. We basically all want to get what we want. | | | | cues. |
| If you cannot get your message through of what your | | | | For an Auditory child, if you are a Visual parent and |
| needs, wants, dreams, goals and visions are, you will | | | | you are showing your child how to clean and tidy up, it |
| be very frustrated and stressed. So an understanding | | | | won't have an impact on them unless you tell them |
| of communication modes is a basic skill for relationship | | | | what you want and/or narrate as you are doing it. This |
| success, whether that is a relationship with a partner, | | | | works for a Digital child as well, if you explain step by |
| your children, friends, family or coworkers." | | | | step what you are doing so they understand the |
| The following is a very basic definition of the | | | | whole process. |
| communication modes. You can be primarily one mode | | | | For a Kinesthetic child, let them do a run-through |
| or a mixture of up to all four. | | | | themselves, or let them hold on to or touch what it is |
| Visual people communicate by seeing and doing. They | | | | that you are teaching or getting them to do. Kinesthetic |
| like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, | | | | children learn and remember through touch. Even |
| places and things with just the slightest glance. They | | | | though a Visual child likes doing, a Visual child can learn |
| feel and share love by doing things with or for other | | | | by just seeing and watching, whereas a Kinesthetic |
| people. They take things at face value and do not look | | | | child has to go through the motions to truly learn. |
| deeper into things. They learn by seeing and doing. | | | | There is a part of you (especially if you are Visual) |
| Auditory people communicate through talking. They | | | | saying, "Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it." There is also a |
| have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be | | | | part of you that is connecting the dots and saying, |
| able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking | | | | "Yeah, that makes sense, and that explains why my |
| and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when | | | | child does what they do that way." |
| they are talked to, and like to hear the words "I love | | | | So go ahead and come up with creative ways to |
| you." They learn by hearing. | | | | communicate with your children in their communication |
| Digital people communicate through connection and | | | | modes, and see, hear, understand and/or feel what |
| understanding. They find the deeper meaning in | | | | happens. You may just get that time, energy and |
| everything they think, see and do. Understanding is | | | | peace of mind that you have always wanted, as well |
| very important to them. They feel loved when they | | | | as a balanced and happy family, too. |