| Is there a lot of stress and strain in your | | | | Understanding is very important to them. |
| life because your children just don't listen? | | | | They feel loved when they share connections |
| | | | with others and are understood. They learn |
| Do you spend the majority of your waking | | | | by understanding. |
| moments chasing after your children because | | | | |
| they are not listening to you, and you feel | | | | Kinesthetic people communicate through their |
| like you have to micro-manage? | | | | bodies. They move, feel and express through |
| | | | their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch, |
| Do you have no energy because all your energy | | | | feel, do physical activities and hug. They |
| is spent being frustrated and blocked by your | | | | feel loved when they are touched. They learn |
| children's apparent inability to follow | | | | through touch and through experience. |
| orders? | | | | |
| | | | So children are not any different. If you |
| Well, the good news is you may be able to get | | | | are giving children orders or directions and |
| back your time and energy and a balanced | | | | they are not picking up your orders because |
| family life simply by understanding what the | | | | they are in your own communication mode and |
| communication block is between you and your | | | | not their own communication mode, they will |
| children. | | | | genuinely not pick up or learn what you are |
| | | | trying to tell them or teach them. They are |
| Of course, every child is unique. Some | | | | not being stubborn or defiant; they genuinely |
| children need their freedom more than others. | | | | aren't receiving it. It's like you are |
| Some children enjoy structure, and some do | | | | talking on an AM radio station and your |
| not. But what they all do have is one, two, | | | | children are receiving on an FM radio |
| three or four communication modalities or | | | | station. |
| communication modes in common. | | | | |
| | | | For example, my youngest son is a Visual |
| What is a communication modality or mode? | | | | child, and I used to have to repeatedly tell |
| | | | him to pick up his clothes and clean his |
| As Dr. Robby, Director of the LMC | | | | room, but to him, my auditory orders were |
| Relationship Centre, Developer of the Better | | | | basically like the teacher's on the Charlie |
| Parents, Better Kids Program, and co-author | | | | Brown cartoons, just a series of muffled |
| of our e-book, Better Parents, Better Kids, | | | | noises. But after learning about |
| explains: | | | | communication modes, I realized that if I |
| | | | really wanted to get across to him what I |
| "Communication is the result you get. | | | | wanted, I had to show him what I wanted him |
| Different people are on different channels. | | | | to do, or do it with him, since a Visual |
| We learn, we express love and communicate | | | | child, just like Visual adults, likes doing |
| through different modes or combinations of | | | | things with you, as does a Kinesthetic child. |
| modes. It is important to know who you are | | | | The result is that now I never have to |
| playing with and what channel they are | | | | repeat myself with my son; he picks up and |
| playing on, or else your communication will | | | | understands my visual cues. |
| not be very effective. We basically all want | | | | |
| to get what we want. If you cannot get your | | | | For an Auditory child, if you are a Visual |
| message through of what your needs, wants, | | | | parent and you are showing your child how to |
| dreams, goals and visions are, you will be | | | | clean and tidy up, it won't have an impact on |
| very frustrated and stressed. So an | | | | them unless you tell them what you want and |
| understanding of communication modes is a | | | | or narrate as you are doing it. This works |
| basic skill for relationship success, whether | | | | for a Digital child as well, if you explain |
| that is a relationship with a partner, your | | | | step by step what you are doing so they |
| children, friends, family or coworkers." | | | | understand the whole process. |
| | | | |
| The following is a very basic definition of | | | | For a Kinesthetic child, let them do a |
| the communication modes. You can be | | | | run-through themselves, or let them hold on |
| primarily one mode or a mixture of up to all | | | | to or touch what it is that you are teaching |
| four. | | | | or getting them to do. Kinesthetic children |
| | | | learn and remember through touch. Even |
| Visual people communicate by seeing and | | | | though a Visual child likes doing, a Visual |
| doing. They like activities and they like | | | | child can learn by just seeing and watching, |
| gifts. They notice people, places and things | | | | whereas a Kinesthetic child has to go through |
| with just the slightest glance. They feel | | | | the motions to truly learn. |
| and share love by doing things with or for | | | | |
| other people. They take things at face value | | | | There is a part of you (especially if you are |
| and do not look deeper into things. They | | | | Visual) saying, "Yeah, I'll believe it when I |
| learn by seeing and doing. | | | | see it." There is also a part of you that is |
| | | | connecting the dots and saying, "Yeah, that |
| Auditory people communicate through talking. | | | | makes sense, and that explains why my child |
| They have the natural gift of the gab, are | | | | does what they do that way." |
| designed to be able to talk for long periods | | | | |
| of time. They enjoy talking and listening to | | | | So go ahead and come up with creative ways to |
| other people talk. They feel loved when they | | | | communicate with your children in their |
| are talked to, and like to hear the words "I | | | | communication modes, and see, hear, |
| love you." They learn by hearing. | | | | understand and/or feel what happens. You may |
| | | | just get that time, energy and peace of mind |
| Digital people communicate through connection | | | | that you have always wanted, as well as a |
| and understanding. They find the deeper | | | | balanced and happy family, too. |
| meaning in everything they think, see and do. | | | | |