| Defiance is a major issue for our children suffering | | | | testing and testing you some more. |
| from Reactive Attachment Disorder. They are as | | | | Is this easy? Certainly not when you are not in the |
| terribly defiant as they are because of their broken | | | | habit of following these practices. When these are |
| hearts and their perceived need to control everyone | | | | new practices for you in the face of defiance, it will be |
| and everything. Our defiant children can drive us to | | | | like exercising a muscle that has been out of use. It |
| distraction with their onslaught of open resistance to | | | | might be difficult and possibly painful. Certainly when |
| our authority. How we handle defiance is critical. One | | | | this is new, your child will test, test and test some more |
| day we will all be Advanced Parents and use the | | | | to see if you really mean it and are not going to blow |
| following options which help our children to heal: | | | | up as you might have done in the past. Our kids love |
| - Loving eyes - Yes this is first and foremost. Always | | | | chaos so much, that it truly tests their mettle when you |
| always always loving eyes. | | | | do not give them chaos. They are not sure how to |
| - Calm assertive voice - Keeping your voice calm and | | | | handle it when you remain balanced and calm with |
| assertive will show your child that you are in charge, of | | | | those beautiful loving eyes. Trust me, after a while, as |
| yourself and the situation | | | | you get used to these practices and as you see more |
| - Empathy - "It looks like you are not strong enough to | | | | compliance and less defiance, it will become ever |
| do it now." | | | | easier to handle defiance as an Advanced Parent. |
| - To your child - "You can rest until you are ready." | | | | What are those practices of the non-Advanced |
| (Using your lovely calm assertive voice.) | | | | Parent? I would hazard a guess that you know some, |
| - Another option - "You can stand/sit down/kneel until | | | | if not most, of them already. I have no intention to list |
| you are ready." You choose which, not the child. | | | | them all because I want you to focus on what the |
| (Remember lovely calm assertive voice.) | | | | Advanced Parent does. Let it suffice to say that the |
| - Your gentle supportive hand -- On child's mid-shoulder | | | | non-Advanced Parent acts from anger and all the |
| or base of neck to calm the child. | | | | behaviors which can follow. Even the Advanced |
| - When all else fails - Take a deep breath and walk | | | | Parent, being human and all, will blow it from time to |
| away. | | | | time, but not as the default response to defiance. |
| - Be happy when defiant child is resting - Use the time | | | | Is your RAD child ever defiant? How do you handle it? |
| to have some FUN. | | | | Would you like to handle it differently? How? I would |
| - Be happy for your child - This is when child is ready | | | | welcome an email from you with your thoughts about |
| to comply (brain is healing). | | | | defiance. |
| - Stay patient with loving eyes - While defiant child is | | | | |