| One of many challenges faced by divorced parents is | | | | communication about your children. |
| the dilemma of communicating with their child's other | | | | 6. Divide your writing into sections such as "old |
| parent. Although the parents have decided to divorce | | | | business," "new business" and "FYI." |
| and end their "personal" relationship, when children are | | | | 7. Respond to communication from your child's other |
| involved, the dissolution of a marriage mirrors the end | | | | parent as you would like to have them respond to you. |
| of a business relationship where the business partners | | | | Be prompt and businesslike. |
| (the parents) have produced a product or asset (the | | | | 8. Use e-mail (and all written communication) |
| children) that remains after the termination of the | | | | courteously. Do not write entirely in capital letters. Do |
| business. | | | | not use boldface type. Do not use extremely large |
| Even though the parents no longer wish to continue to | | | | type. Do not use exclamation points. Stay away from |
| "work together," they share the desire for their children | | | | sarcasm. Refrain from name calling and inappropriate |
| (the priceless marital asset) to grow and thrive. Among | | | | language. |
| other things, the success of the children requires | | | | 9. Take the initiative so neither parent becomes the |
| divorced parents to communicate with each other | | | | "communication liaison." Children's schools, day care |
| about child-focused issues. So how do divorced | | | | providers, extracurricular activity providers, etc. should |
| parents communicate effectively about their children | | | | have contact information for both parents. Each parent |
| when they are angry or upset or would simply rather | | | | should receive notices from these sources. If that is |
| not speak with their child's other parent ever again? | | | | not happening, the parent who is not receiving the |
| Read on... | | | | information can provide their contact information and |
| 1. Whenever possible, communicate in writing. Writing | | | | get on the distribution list. |
| gives you the opportunity to clarify your thoughts and | | | | 10. Look into online programs such as OurFamilyWizard |
| express yourself clearly. Also, in the event of a | | | | and ShareKids for calendaring and communication. |
| misunderstanding, everyone can go back and look at | | | | These programs are designed especially for divorced |
| what is written. E-mails and faxes have the advantage | | | | parents. |
| of having a date and time embedded as well. | | | | There is a time and a place for your emotional release |
| 2. Stick to child-focused issues and keep your | | | | regarding your divorce, and, at the same time, there is |
| communication informative, not emotional. | | | | a need to conduct the business of raising your children |
| 3. Keep your communication clear. Use bullet points or | | | | with someone you would probably rather not talk to. |
| numbers rather than paragraphs. | | | | So how do you find the strength to "take the high |
| 4. If an item requires a response, indicate when the | | | | road" time after time and communicate calmly and |
| response is necessary. Also state what action will be | | | | effectively with your child's other parent? |
| taken in the event the other parent does not respond. | | | | Always remember that your child's wellbeing depends |
| For example: Our son's class trip is on (date) and the | | | | on what you do and how you do it. It takes work to |
| cost is ($X). The permission slip is due on (date). | | | | compartmentalize your emotions and put the needs of |
| Please let me know by (date) if this is OK with you. If I | | | | your children first, but you can do it. You are not alone |
| don't hear from you, I will sign the permission slip and | | | | - there are many resources available to help you grow |
| you and I will split the cost. | | | | through divorce. Successful communication strategies |
| 5. Do not use your communication as an opportunity to | | | | are a great addition to your post-divorce parenting |
| re-hash your feelings about the subjects you are | | | | toolkit. |
| writing about. Remember - this is business | | | | |