| Although the marital relationship between you and your | | | | you to compromise your parenting. To the greatest |
| spouse will come to a screeching halt, the relationship | | | | extent possible, it is crucial to maintain as much |
| between your children and the other parent will, and | | | | consistency as possible for your children. |
| should, continue. Undeniably and understandably, | | | | 6. Try to be as cooperative and flexible as possible. |
| parenting during the stress of a divorce can be very | | | | You and your spouse will not always agree on issues |
| challenging. Here are 10 tips to help with effective | | | | involving your child. When such an issue comes up, be |
| parenting through divorce. | | | | reasonable. Make an effort to find a workable |
| 1. Do not discuss the specifics of the divorce process. | | | | compromise. Also remember things come up, if your |
| Adults have great difficulty understanding the | | | | spouse needs to make alterations to the parenting |
| technicalities of the court process. It is unfair and | | | | schedule be flexible. |
| unreasonable to expect children to understand the | | | | 7. Do not use your children as spies. |
| process. Discussing the details of the court process will | | | | Many parents will actually instruct their child to obtain |
| only add to their confusion. | | | | information from the other parent. This is always |
| 2. Do not use your children as a shoulder to cry on. | | | | wrong. Using your child as a spy is unfair to the child. |
| Children do not have the emotional maturity to handle | | | | 8. Do not quiz your children about the other parent. |
| adult issues. Don't overburden by using them as a | | | | It is unfair to force your child to report back about the |
| shoulder to cry on or sounding board. | | | | other parent. Children will feel as though they must |
| 3. Do not use your children as bargaining chips. | | | | choose sides. |
| Using children as paws or bargaining chips in | | | | 9. Allow your children to enjoy time spent with the |
| settlement negotiations is not only unfair to the other | | | | other parent. |
| parent but also compromises the integrity of the | | | | Unless the physical or emotional safety of your child |
| parent using the children in such a fashion. Children are | | | | would truly be compromised by continued contact, you |
| not assets and should not be treated as such. | | | | must not hamper the continued relationship. Children |
| 4. Do not use your children as messengers. | | | | benefit from having both parents actively involved in |
| Sending nasty messages to your soon to be ex | | | | their lives. |
| through your child, will only make the child feel | | | | 10. Do not speak negatively about the other parent |
| uncomfortable. | | | | Children do not need to hear of their parent's mistakes |
| 5. Continue to be a good parent. | | | | and short comings. Children often internalize such |
| Don't let the divorce to be so consuming that it causes | | | | comments and begin to feel poorly about themselves. |