| "Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, | | | | argument that escalates and has been derailed from |
| and just as hard to sleep after" | | | | the original point of conversation. |
| - Anne Morrow Lindbergh | | | | Parent Tip: Remember to stay focused on the original |
| Here is a step by step process for hindering | | | | topic of discussion and need for conflict resolution. It will |
| communication with your teenager: | | | | help promote conflict resolution and prevent getting off |
| 1) Don't listen to them | | | | on tangents. |
| Teenagers love to be interrupted. They thrive on it | | | | 4) Yell at them |
| because they know that what you say is by far more | | | | This is one that really helps teenagers. Not so much |
| important than their own thoughts. In fact, a lot of | | | | for the improved communication effect, but for sheer |
| teenagers I counsel tell me they wish their parents | | | | entertainment. Teenagers go over the moon when |
| would just stop listening to them all together, and shut | | | | their parents raise their voice fifteen decibels above |
| down any dialogue and replace it with a parental | | | | normal tone. Although, a lot have requested that their |
| monologue. | | | | parents wait so they can go out and get some |
| Parent Tip: I firmly believe that a lot of people are | | | | popcorn before the show starts. Just passing along |
| unaware when they are interrupting another person. | | | | the request. |
| Interruption seems to be a cyclical pattern. Since no | | | | Parent Tip: Do whatever you need to do to remain |
| one listens to one another, they must interrupt the | | | | calm both for your sanity and theirs. Count to ten. |
| other person so they can be heard. Give your | | | | Take a break and resume the conversation later. Go |
| teenager permission to tell you when you are | | | | for a brisk walk. |
| interrupting. | | | | 5) Beat a dead horse |
| 2) Play their favorite game with them: Assumptions | | | | This skill is also known as the Lecture. It is probably the |
| A teenager's favorite pastime is to play Assumptions | | | | most popular and most implemented amongst parents. |
| with her parents. You remember how it is played: One | | | | Teenagers usually will stop whatever they are doing |
| person presupposes they fully know what the other | | | | so they don't miss out on this. The combined essentials |
| person is thinking and feeling. There is no reason to | | | | of redundancy and endless time limit makes them |
| inquire if his hypotheses are correct, because he can | | | | cheer and keep coming back for more. They really |
| guarantee he knows what she is thinking. Sometimes, | | | | enjoy this special quality time their parents take as an |
| for fun of course, he will even tell her what she is | | | | outlet to express their feelings and the intensity of their |
| thinking with the intro of "I know what you are going to | | | | frustration. |
| say....." | | | | Parent Tip: Prioritize the major issues and then say it. |
| Parent Tip: Assumption is the end of communication in | | | | The longer you talk and review the same issues, the |
| any relationship. No one can read another person's | | | | greater the chance they will tune out. |
| mind, or can know exactly what the other person is | | | | Obviously, these are said with a humorous tone. And it |
| going to say. Listen intently to what your teenager is | | | | is probable that most of these occur in almost every |
| saying. | | | | household, if parents are honest. Communication may |
| 3) Name calling | | | | sound easy, but is difficult because it is easier to talk to |
| Earning respect with teenagers always starts by | | | | a person, than to listen to one another. With some |
| calling them names. This has been tried and true. | | | | practice, you and your teenager can be on a new |
| Usually the name calling begins when there is a heated | | | | road to improved communication. |