| If you have more than one child in your family, you are | | | | were underneath it all. Sisters. |
| intimately acquainted with sibling rivalry and probably | | | | 4. Listen, with limits. |
| can use an extra parenting tip or two in that area. | | | | When your youngster comes to you with another |
| After more than 26 years of parenting and four terrific | | | | dramatic story about his brother or sister, by all means, |
| kids, here are my top five tips for dealing with those | | | | listen. Empathize. Understand his point of view. |
| pesky brothers and sisters. | | | | Then tell him, enough's enough. Teach him to find the |
| 1. Forget fair -- but not completely. | | | | offender and work it out. Shake hands, say you're |
| Kids have an innate sense of fairness. As parents we | | | | sorry and get on with it. |
| want to teach our kids to be fair. Problem is, life is | | | | Letting our little ones go on and on with their pity |
| often not fair. | | | | parties only encourages more amazing tales of their |
| Often kids' dramas with each other revolve around the | | | | victim hood. We do them a huge favor in helping them |
| idea that each of them is being slighted in some way. | | | | see the value in venting appropriately, then letting it go. |
| Treated unfairly. From a parenting perspective, we | | | | Such an approach also helps them differentiate |
| may see that there are multiple levels of unfairness in | | | | between the Big Deals in life and the Small Molehills. A |
| the situation. | | | | very useful bit of knowledge. |
| Frankly, if we use 'fairness' as our measuring stick, we | | | | 5. Get support. |
| will be backed into a corner. We can never be | | | | This is probably the most important parenting tip I can |
| completely fair to all concerned. | | | | give you. Parenting can be challenging and there's no |
| What to do? | | | | need to try to go it alone. |
| Teach reality. Our kids' need to learn (and accept) that | | | | Befriend other parents who are in the trenches along |
| life is often unfair but that *they* can be fair to others | | | | with you and work together to find solutions to your |
| as often as possible. So, yes, Suzi took the last | | | | parenting challenges. Listening to others' parenting |
| brownie without asking if anyone wanted it, but we will | | | | stories will help you maintain perspective when you |
| still share the new batch of cookies with everyone. | | | | wonder if you're making any parenting progress at all |
| 2. Practice random kindness. | | | | (you probably are doing just fine). |
| Understanding the spirit of giving is central to getting | | | | Try this idea. Find other parents who are ahead of you |
| along with others. A solid parenting tip involves setting | | | | in the parenting game. Folks who have already |
| up systems that reward kindness and generosity | | | | parented your age of children and come out the other |
| towards others around your home. | | | | side, weary but fine. If you respect them and their |
| In the normal give and take of daily life, feelings are | | | | approach to parenting, ask them to mentor you as you |
| hurt and egos bruised. If kindness is built into a family's | | | | navigate your own family waters. |
| routine, forgiveness comes easier, too. | | | | Then do the same for another parent who is just |
| 3. Duct tape them together. | | | | starting out and could use some encouragement from |
| Well, not literally. If you're up to your eyeballs in "he said, | | | | a parent a little farther along than themselves. Like you. |
| she said" and you've reached your limit on picking and | | | | The bottom line? The family is a training ground for all |
| poking, you might want to try my mom's technique. | | | | kinds of social behavior. Children are not born knowing |
| When she could see that my sisters and I weren't | | | | how to get along with anyone...not even themselves. |
| even trying to get along anymore, she would stick us | | | | Living with the different personalities expressed in your |
| on opposite sides of a window that needed cleaning | | | | family is an excellent way for them to get ready for |
| and tell us to get to work. | | | | life in the real world, as well as form the deep bonds |
| It wouldn't take long before the scowls would turn to | | | | responsible for close friendships in their adult life. |
| giggles as we tried to wipe each other's faces away. | | | | And maybe some of those close friendships will even |
| Mama's wisdom kept us remembering who we really | | | | be with their adult sisters and brothers. |