| Change is difficult, especially for children! The | | | | the characters, Kronk, demonstrates his positive and |
| “thinking” part of their brains is not completely | | | | negative self-talk through an angel on one shoulder |
| developed yet and their emotions are immature. | | | | and a devil on his other shoulder. The angel and devil |
| Although children are born with distinctive dispositions, | | | | engage in a running dialog throughout the movie, which |
| they are effected by the emotional environment in | | | | is very similar to our self-talk. Children tend to identify |
| which they are raised. Thus, parents are ultimately | | | | with this and it opens up a discussion about their own |
| responsible for two levels of emotional inheritance; one | | | | internal dialogue. |
| nature, the other, nurture. Genetic dispositions are more | | | | 4. Emotional Eclipse: “Catharsis” basically means |
| difficult to identify and control. However, environmental | | | | the purging of emotions. Years ago, people were |
| factors are more malleable. Generally, parents are | | | | encouraged to punch pillows when angry as a |
| aware that their emotions, like anger, effect their | | | | cathartic way to release emotions. On further |
| children’s emotional development. | | | | reflection and study, however, it was found that |
| Many parents reach out for help to find emotional | | | | punching a pillow in anger only increased angry |
| balance and self-regulation. As parents learn skills and | | | | behavior! In fact, it was discovered that angry feelings |
| change, their children change too. But learning new skills | | | | were quelled and decreased when people relaxed, |
| for changing behavior is not limited to parents. Children | | | | reflected and refocused. When I teach children how to |
| can learn anger management skills as well. | | | | choose calming behavior when they feel frustrated, I |
| Here are 5 ways to assist your children toward | | | | call it an emotional eclipse. Using my feeling cards, I |
| self-regulated emotional selves | | | | show them how angry becomes calm. To help your |
| 1. Identify emotions: Make or buy a set of feeling cards | | | | child learn the emotional eclipse technique, write down |
| which show feeling faces with feeling words. Sit down | | | | a list of angry behaviors versus a list of calm |
| with your child and have him pick out 3-6 cards that | | | | behaviors. Show them how they can overcome a |
| describe his feelings. Have him explain, “I felt angry | | | | negative feeling with positive behavior and eventually |
| when the teacher told me to stay in at recess | | | | they will learn greater control over their feelings. To |
| because everybody else got to go outside.” Do this | | | | demonstrate the behavioral control, I have children |
| a couple times a week so that your child can integrate | | | | dance or jump up and down to music. They feel their |
| feeling language as well as expression. Make sure that | | | | energy increase, much like when they are angry. Their |
| you listen and accept whatever feelings your child | | | | heart rate increases. Their body heats up. Then I turn |
| expresses. | | | | off the music and we sit, breath and talk low and slow. |
| 2. Role Play:Since the fight or flight response is natural, | | | | Their heart rate decreases. Their body cools down. |
| we cannot deny the urge to express our feelings in | | | | Children then understand how they can use calming |
| certain ways. When we feel angry, we may want to | | | | behaviors to overcome their angry feelings. |
| hit or yell. It is very important to let children know that | | | | 5. Ultimately, children learn through modeling. How do |
| they are not crazy for feeling like this. But it is also just | | | | you express your sadness? What do you do when |
| as important for them to understand that it’s not | | | | you feel angry? If you act in ways in which you |
| necessary to fight or flee when distressed. One way | | | | discourage your children to act, then you need to |
| to demonstrate the alternative feeling choices is to | | | | address your own issues. You might talk to them |
| role-play with them. Pick a feeling card and show how | | | | about how you too have difficulty staying calm when |
| your body wants to react when you see the word. | | | | angry and that you want to learn how to decrease |
| Act it out. Then act out alternative behaviors for that | | | | your reactions as well. If you behave calmly when |
| same feeling. Then let your child role play alternative | | | | your’re angry, make sure you communicate how |
| actions to various feelings. As you come up with | | | | you stay calm. Talk your children through your internal |
| alternatives, write a list of behaviors or thoughts on the | | | | processes. You might say, “I felt really upset today |
| back of each feeling card. | | | | at the grocery store. I was in a hurry and the clerk |
| 3. Self-Talk: Children experience self-talk early on. | | | | short changed me. I had to go back in and get her to |
| Self-talk often reflects the feeling tone of the | | | | redo the transaction. I didn’t want to be rude so I |
| environment of the child. One might live in a very | | | | had to cope with my frustration. I just kept telling |
| positive environment and thus be enable to internally | | | | myself, she didn’t do it on purpose. It doesn’t |
| express positive statements. However, self-talk can | | | | help to get angry. Feeling upset doesn’t get me on |
| also reflect the experience of a negative environment. | | | | my way any faster.” Parents have a great impact |
| For instance, an internal dialogue that states, | | | | on their children. Make sure your impact is effective. |
| “Mommy is so mean. This is so unfair. I hate life” | | | | These suggestions have helped many parents teach, |
| can become “I’ve got to do better. I’m not | | | | coach and counsel their children. Remember that |
| good enough. Nobody understands me.” Children | | | | teaching your children about the world of emotions |
| sometimes have difficulty becoming aware of their | | | | gives them the tools to take care of themselves, have |
| self-talk. I try to help them by describing the two sides | | | | successful relationships and reach their goals in life. |
| of self-talk: positive and negative. As a way to grasp | | | | Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group - Reprints |
| the concept of self-talk, I suggest they watch the | | | | Accepted - Two links must be active in the bio. |
| movie The Emperor’s New Groove, where one of | | | | |