| Coping with a defiant teenager can be an almost | | | | By the way, coping with a defiant teenager may |
| overwhelming challenge. Your well-mannered, | | | | require that you look at yourself, and consider if you |
| well-behaved, respectful child has turned into a | | | | have issues around anger. If you get angry and out of |
| withdrawn, sullen, disrespectful, angry, defiant creature | | | | control, which is upsetting and frightening to your child, |
| you hardly recognize. What on earth happened? How | | | | that could easily lead to his own anger issues. |
| could things have gone so wrong. Have you suddenly | | | | The evaluation should be able to help everybody |
| become a lousy parent? Has your child been taken | | | | understand, at least partially, where the anger is |
| over by aliens? How do you help your child, yourself, | | | | coming from, and what can be done about it. If there is |
| and your family? | | | | ADHD, as there very often is with an angry teenager, |
| First of all, realize that part of this is normal, and even | | | | or depression or bipolar disorder, perhaps medication |
| necessary. Part of the developmental process for an | | | | can be helpful. If there is a learning disability, perhaps |
| adolescent as he makes his way towards adulthood is | | | | extra help with learning and studying techniques can be |
| to learn to make his own decisions and test the limits. | | | | part of the solution. If there's an angry parent, getting |
| He, or she, needs to learn responsibility, and he wants, | | | | that under control will help. |
| and needs, more freedom. As he struggles through the | | | | There are many books, CDs, courses, and programs |
| process, he naturally pushes away from his parents. | | | | designed to help with the angry, defiant teenager. |
| It's not just hard for you, it's difficult and confusing for | | | | Spending just a few hours browsing the web, library, or |
| your teen, as well. Part of your task is to understand | | | | bookstore will turn up more resources than you can |
| his needs and to help see that they're met. | | | | begin to use. Most authorities feel that "Parent |
| Secondly, it's important to look beneath the anger and | | | | Management Training" programs are the most |
| defiance to see where it's coming from. Anger doesn't | | | | effective tools to effect a change in an angry, defiant |
| just come from nowhere. It's a reaction and response | | | | teenager. A core part of these programs is teaching |
| to some other feeling. The angry adolescent is | | | | parents to look for reasons to praise and reward their |
| frustrated, depressed, having problems at school, | | | | child for positive behaviors. They are also taught that |
| having problems with peers, feeling a lack of | | | | it's OK to ignore some negative behavior-that it's just |
| self-worth, etc. If you haven't already done so, it would | | | | not worth fighting every battle. |
| be a good idea to get a thorough evaluation done by a | | | | If you can't effect the necessary changes on your |
| child psychologist, preferably one who specializes in | | | | own, or even with professional help, there are many |
| adolescents and anger issues. If you can get some | | | | boarding school options, ranging from short-term boot |
| cooperation from your teen, it would be wise to meet | | | | camps or wilderness camps, to longer-term Residential |
| with several psychologists, and pick the one he seems | | | | Boarding Schools or Therapeutic Boarding Schools. |
| able to relate to the best. | | | | |