| Coping with divorce seems especially difficult during | | | | lose most of all. |
| the holidays. Sadness, anger, and regret can | | | | How a couple divorces has far greater impact on their |
| overwhelm you at a time that should be exciting and | | | | children than the actual separation, researchers have |
| happy. Memories of happier times emphasize the | | | | found. Weary of acrimonious divorce battles and the |
| unwelcome changes divorce brings. You may dread | | | | expense and emotional damage they cause, legal |
| holiday get-togethers that you used to anticipate with | | | | professionals sought a more constructive way to |
| pleasure. It's difficult enough to deal with your own | | | | dissolve marriage, giving birth to Collaborative Family |
| emotions; facing family and friends is often too much | | | | Law in 1990. Collaborative law focuses on divorce not |
| to bear. Financial uncertainty may create worry where | | | | just as a painful ending but as an opportunity for a |
| once you enjoyed generosity. | | | | new beginning. Stressing cooperation over |
| For children, divorce turns the holidays upside down. | | | | confrontation and resolution over revenge, collaborative |
| They are torn, wanting to be with both parents. They | | | | divorce is transforming how couples dissolve their |
| worry that the holidays won't be the same. Will they | | | | marriages, divide their assets, and reinvent their |
| see Grandma? Will Santa find them? Will they get any | | | | post-divorce parenting relationships. |
| presents? They hide their bigger fears about how | | | | Taking place outside the court process, collaborative |
| divorce will change the family behind a litany of fears | | | | practice uses a cooperative team approach in which |
| about holiday activities and traditions. | | | | both parties and their respective attorneys meet |
| Other than perhaps the death of a parent, divorce is | | | | together, sometimes advised by financial or child |
| often the single most traumatic event in a child's life. In | | | | experts. During meetings, parents learn and practice |
| America 60% of all marriages end in divorce and a | | | | open communication, self-management and negotiation |
| third of those divorces involve bitter conflict. One million | | | | skills that can form the basis for successful future |
| children in our country are involved in divorce each | | | | interactions. They learn to manage and reduce conflict |
| year. | | | | and the anguish and divided loyalties it can engender in |
| As typically practiced in America, divorce rips asunder | | | | their children. Through collaboration, parents have the |
| the very foundation of a child's world. It shatters the | | | | opportunity to lay a foundation for the respectful, |
| family structure, destroys communication between the | | | | cooperative parenting of their children. Agreements are |
| parents, and irrevocably changes the child's relationship | | | | reached jointly in the collaborative process and seek to |
| with each parent. Children suffer not only their own | | | | accomplish the goals of both parties while preserving |
| fears and misery over the loss of the family but, too | | | | the welfare of the entire family, particularly the children. |
| often, are used as pawns by one parent to hurt the | | | | Through collaborative divorce, couples have the |
| other. Out of anger or emotional need, one parent may | | | | opportunity to emerge with a fair settlement and |
| seek to monopolize the child's time and affection to | | | | peaceable relationship that minimizes the negative |
| the exclusion of the other parent. There are no | | | | effects of divorce on their children. That's a holiday gift |
| winners in a divorce. Everyone loses, but the children | | | | more precious than gold! |