| Becoming a single parent isn't an end. It's a beginning. | | | | the loss. They may be feeling abandoned, and they'll |
| Your new lifestyle is full of responsibility and challenges. | | | | need your love, support, and encouragement to move |
| It may be more important now than ever that you find | | | | forward. And they need to build a new relationship with |
| time for yourself. You need to relax and have fun. It | | | | you, one where you're the only parent. Dating too soon |
| may have been a while, but you can date now. | | | | can cheat them of this important time with you and |
| You may not be ready to enter into a new relationship, | | | | create behavioral problems that are not easy to solve. |
| but that doesn't mean you can't go out and have a | | | | Take it slow for their sake and for yours. |
| good time with friends. Dating old friends is a great | | | | How do single parents find people to date? |
| way to re-enter the single world and renew old | | | | It's probably been a long time since you were in the |
| friendships. They already know you, and they're easy | | | | dating scene, and you may have lost touch with your |
| to talk to. You need someone now to talk to and to | | | | single friends and activities. One way to meet new |
| ask for advice. Old friends may also be a source for | | | | people is through your friends. Perhaps your best |
| help around the house or at work. | | | | friend knows someone they think would be perfect for |
| But if you're interested in meeting new people and | | | | you. Take a chance. Go on a blind date. |
| getting into a more serious relationship, you may want | | | | You also have a constraint that many singles don't: |
| to do some real-life dating. But dating as a new single | | | | time. It's important for you to plan your social activities |
| parent can present unique challenges. Demands on | | | | well in advance so you can get a baby-sitter or make |
| your time may already be great. | | | | other arrangements for your children. So, whatever |
| Taking care of the kids, earning a living, and maintaining | | | | you do to meet new people can't be a |
| your household are time-consuming chores. That | | | | spur-of-the-moment decision. |
| makes it even more important to make time for your | | | | Many areas have singles groups where you can meet |
| own fun and relaxation. But time management skills will | | | | other unattached people. As long as you don't have to |
| definitely be needed to keep your life from being | | | | make commitments, this is a great way to meet |
| chaotic and stressful. | | | | people. Group social activities are fun and safe. You |
| You may be emotionally raw at this time. Whether | | | | get a chance to get to know people before being |
| you've lost your partner through separation, divorce, or | | | | alone with them. |
| death, you're going through some really big life | | | | You may even be able to find social groups |
| changes. You need to be careful not to jump into the | | | | specifically for single parents. This way, you'll meet |
| first relationship that comes along. You need to have | | | | people whose lives are more like yours. They have |
| fun, but you also need some time to heal and become | | | | the same challenges and problems. You may find it |
| independent again. | | | | easier to relate to another single parent, and certainly |
| Here are some things to consider: | | | | they will be more understanding when something |
| Am I ready to date yet? | | | | comes up at the last minute. |
| Re-entering the single scene can be frightening. You | | | | What about relationships? |
| may not feel self-confident about your looks, or you | | | | You are the only person who knows if you're ready to |
| may feel that you've lost some important social skills. | | | | start a serious relationship. Of course, you are not |
| But fear of dating shouldn't be a deciding factor. | | | | alone, and your children will influence your readiness |
| Sooner or later, you're going to have to take that big | | | | and willingness to get into a relationship. |
| step to have a normal life again. | | | | You need to be very clear in your own mind about |
| There are some things to think about, though. You're | | | | where you are and what you want. Perhaps you only |
| coming through a difficult time, and you may be | | | | want companionship and social contact. If you're not |
| emotionally vulnerable and confused. You may not | | | | ready to get serious, let your dates know. Don't allow |
| have the judgment to see your dates' flaws. You must | | | | yourself to become more involved than you can |
| take care to protect yourself and your children from | | | | handle emotionally. Your first few dates shouldn't be |
| predators and people that will use you. | | | | serious, and you don't need to involve your children |
| Are you prepared to tell your children you're dating? | | | | with your casual dates. |
| Your kids are also going through a big change, and | | | | But if you're lonely and feel you need someone to love, |
| they may be insecure or jealous if a new adult is | | | | you may be more interested in getting serious. First, |
| introduced to the family. Have you prepared them for | | | | you must ask yourself why. Getting into a serious |
| this? Do they understand your feelings and support | | | | relationship because you're lonely isn't a great idea. |
| you? If your children aren't ready for you to date, you | | | | You want to get involved with a person, not just fill a |
| may not be. But there's a limit. The important thing is to | | | | hole in your life. Be sure of your motives before you |
| be honest and open with them about what you need | | | | allow things to get to serious. |
| and want. After all, they aren't dating the person. You | | | | What to do when on a date? |
| are. Just keep the lines of communication open and | | | | You'll want to know that your dates will be both fun |
| clear. | | | | and safe. Your family depends on you, and taking |
| Getting into relationships too soon is a common | | | | chances to date isn't wise. Always be sure someone |
| mistake for newly-single parents. You're accustomed | | | | knows where you're going and who you're going with. |
| to being part of a couple and feel awkward and | | | | Let them know when you'll be home, and take your |
| self-conscious going out alone. You may not be | | | | cell phone with you in case of an emergency. Let your |
| finished with the old relationship. Losing a partner, no | | | | date know about your family and that you might get a |
| matter how, involves going through a grieving process | | | | call. No surprises is a good policy. |
| to heal emotionally and re-establish a normal life. | | | | When you go out, you'll want to do something that |
| Studies show that it takes at least a year for people | | | | helps you get to know each other. Look for places |
| to process their loss and move on. Be sure you've | | | | where you can talk and activities that encourage |
| given yourself enough time to heal. | | | | conversation and interaction. Movies aren't a good idea |
| You may also need to tie up loose ends from the | | | | for those first few dates because they don't provide a |
| previous relationship. There may be financial and legal | | | | good get-to-know-you environment. Better to go |
| matters still open that must be closed. If your partner | | | | bowling or play miniature golf than to go to a movie. |
| passed away, you'll need to settle the estate, dispose | | | | For first dates especially, it's important that you go to |
| of property, and finalize insurance issues. Better to | | | | public places. Your personal safety is very important, |
| focus on the business at hand while you're grieving | | | | and you don't want to take chances with people you |
| than to introduce a new complication into an | | | | don't know. You might even want to arrange to meet |
| already-complicated life. | | | | your date somewhere so that you aren't dependent |
| You also need to take time to help your children grieve | | | | on them for your ride home. |