| Recently, I heard a similar comment from two different | | | | than a participant. The habit, then, is reinforced when |
| fathers. One dad was talking about issues that have | | | | Mom won't say she needs or wants help. When Dad |
| come up with his children since his divorce a few | | | | does try to do some of the child-rearing, his initial |
| years ago; the other was talking about parenting | | | | attempts can be clumsy and unwelcome by Mom. |
| issues with his pending divorce. | | | | Consequently, many mothers complain about fathers |
| Both of these fathers saw divorce as an opportunity | | | | who are totally uninterested in doing anything with the |
| to spend more time with their children, not less. After all | | | | children. At the same time, fathers often feel like they |
| of my years working with families during and after | | | | are prevented from fully participating in their children's |
| divorce, this didn't surprise me one bit, though I'd never | | | | care because Mom does it all or doesn't like the way |
| heard a father actually say it. | | | | they do it. |
| What these two fathers were talking about was | | | | Unfortunately, by the time the family faces divorce, |
| quality time. Because even though the actual number | | | | fathers often end up with less parenting time based |
| of hours and minutes in the same house with the | | | | upon their lack of involvement with the children during |
| children was less than before separation, it meant | | | | the marriage. |
| much, much more. | | | | It's no wonder that some fathers feel they are actually |
| After reflecting on the idea that separation and divorce | | | | spending more time with their children after separation |
| could actually enhance a father's relationship with the | | | | than they were before. The time they now have with |
| children, I began to realize how many fathers feel | | | | the children is unhampered by Mom's tendency to do |
| unequipped to parent. | | | | everything. Instead of feeling like they're in the way, |
| It's only natural; Moms tend to spend lots more time | | | | dads can use their parenting time to become fully |
| caring for the children when they are babies. In addition, | | | | involved and present with their children. |
| Mom often stays home with the children, even if it's | | | | Dads, don't wait to be asked! Get involved in your |
| just maternity leave from her job, while Dad goes | | | | children's care now. Moms, if you see Dad trying to |
| back to work after just a few days. | | | | help, let him. While it might be tricky at first to work out |
| I think everybody just gets in the habit of Mom being | | | | the differences between your styles, the whole family |
| the caretaker and Dad being more of an observer | | | | will benefit. |