| If you are a separated or divorced parent with a child | | | | about child-focused decisions. The professional |
| under the age of 18, you need to communicate with | | | | provides feedback in the interest of the family as well |
| your child's other parent. Even though you are no | | | | as guidance to negotiate and solve parenting problems. |
| longer living together, and, in some cases, especially | | | | Parents face many changes and challenges regarding |
| because you are no longer living together, conflicts | | | | the interpersonal relationships and family dynamics that |
| about your children (minor ones and major ones) may | | | | accompany divorce. A parent must function as an |
| arise with greater frequency. | | | | individual as well as "mom" or "dad." As one household |
| What do you do? Hopefully, you calmly discuss and | | | | becomes two, relationships and boundaries must be |
| resolve issues such as pick-ups and drop-offs, | | | | redefined within the nuclear and extended family, and |
| schedule changes, money, extracurricular activities, and | | | | new communication patterns must be established to |
| family matters with your child's other parent when your | | | | facilitate the healthy growth of parents and children |
| children cannot hear these conversations. | | | | through divorce. |
| However, if you are like most separated or divorced | | | | The lives of all family members are touched as |
| parents, you find it quite challenging to peacefully reach | | | | parents form new relationships, establish new living |
| common ground with your child's other parent. Often, | | | | situations, and new work schedules. At the same time, |
| despite your best efforts to protect them, children see | | | | the entire family must adapt to children's new schools, |
| too much, hear too much and feel their parents' | | | | new childcare needs, as well as natural infant, child, |
| simmering anger. Some children get a stomach ache | | | | adolescent and teen development concerns. |
| every time they have to travel between their parents' | | | | Extraordinary events such as illness or death create |
| homes; some start to "act out" or withdraw; others | | | | further challenges for the divorced family. |
| may regress to behaviors such as clinging or baby talk. | | | | Often, parents have no idea where to turn for help. |
| Current research indicates that the number one | | | | Here is the most traditional solution: Hire a lawyer |
| predictor of a child's success after their parents' | | | | (spend money). The other parent hires a lawyer (more |
| divorce is how well their parents get along. Even | | | | money). Go to court (both parents give up their rights |
| though the parents are no longer married, they need a | | | | to make decisions and give that right to a judge who |
| basic relationship and functional communication | | | | does not know your children, or the judge may appoint |
| capability in the interest of the children. | | | | a professional to help you - at your cost.). |
| Recognizing that divorced parents can benefit from | | | | You may be able to go to court without a lawyer |
| professional guidance during this transitional time, a new | | | | (saving the attorney's fees) but you would still be giving |
| alternative dispute resolution (ADR) resource is | | | | up your parental decision-making rights to the judge. |
| becoming more widely available. This solution has | | | | Again, the judge may appoint a professional to help |
| many names - parent (or parenting) coordination, | | | | you - at your cost. |
| therapeutic mediation, and co-parent counseling are | | | | You could choose to do nothing, but then nothing will |
| some of them - but the principles are comparable and | | | | change and things will most likely get worse, especially |
| the practicing professionals are similarly credentialed as | | | | for your children. But it does not have to be that way. |
| mediators, mental health professionals and attorneys. | | | | Co-parenting professionals can help you develop the |
| Working within this informal and non-adversarial ADR | | | | new skills you need. |
| framework, parents are able to reach common ground | | | | |