| When your kids get a stepmom, it can hit you on | | | | stepmom. |
| several levels. There is the very real possibility that you | | | | Because it is unusual, this story can seem idyllic. |
| do not know this person who is going to play such an | | | | Hearing it may highlight how difficult it is for you or |
| important role for your child. Even when you do know | | | | others you know. What can we all learn from it, |
| her, there are so many questions about how she will | | | | though? |
| treat your children and what kind of influence she will | | | | |
| be. You may wonder if you will you get to (or have to) | | | | 1. Children often believe that it is disloyal to mom to |
| work with her on parenting issues. Add to this the fact | | | | care about a stepmom. It is too scary for a kid to think |
| that she is now with your ex, and it is like adding insult | | | | that they may make their mother really angry, hurt her |
| to injury. | | | | deeply, or lose her love because they like care about a |
| It is natural to have some strong feelings about your | | | | stepmom. No matter how great the stepmom may be, |
| kids getting a stepmom. Meanwhile, your child may | | | | mom will get the loyalty almost every time, but kids |
| have some worries, too. The biggest one might be | | | | may also feel guilty for not letting a loving stepmom |
| whether it will hurt you if they like her. | | | | get close. |
| Cheryl had been a single mom for several years. Even | | | | 2. A wise parent realizes the child's dilemma. If you do |
| so, when her ex announced that he was getting | | | | not give your okay in some way to connect with their |
| married, she went through the predictable range of | | | | stepmom, that dilemma is likely to continue hurting the |
| emotions. She was surprised to notice some jealousy | | | | child. |
| about the new marriage. She worried how her | | | | 3. Do not take it personally if your child likes their |
| teenage daughter would react to her stepmom. And | | | | stepmom. Life could be much more pleasant for your |
| she admits that at first she did not want Stephanie to | | | | child if they do. And remember, at the end of the day, |
| like this new woman too much. | | | | if you are a loving parent it is almost impossible to |
| But Cheryl did a remarkable thing. The first time Tracy, | | | | displace you in your child's heart. Kids have lots of love |
| the new stepmom came along to pick Stephanie up, | | | | to go around. Showing love to one person does not |
| Cheryl invited her to come in. As they chatted for the | | | | pull it from another. Love is not limited like that. |
| next 15 or 20 minutes, Stephanie watched her mom | | | | 4. Let your kids know it is okay with you for them to |
| and Tracy closely. When it was time to leave, Cheryl | | | | give their new stepmom a chance. |
| gave her daughter a big hug, and told her to have a | | | | 5. In order to mean it when you say that, you may |
| great time. She leaned over and whispered, just loud | | | | have some personal work to do to let go of |
| enough that Tracy could also hear, that Tracy seemed | | | | resentment, anger and hurt. Do it for your kids and you |
| ok, and she thought they would have fun together. | | | | will reap the benefits for yourself as well. |
| According to Dr. Wednesday Martin, author of | | | | Getting a stepmom or stepdad is a big change for |
| StepMonster, the mom is the only one who can | | | | your kids. As difficult as it may be for you, it is best to |
| release a child from the fear of upsetting her by liking | | | | focus on what your children need. Find the support you |
| a stepmom. Cheryl made the effort to help her child | | | | need to take care of your own reactions and you will |
| resolve that loyalty bind. She wisely realized that it was | | | | empower yourself in the process. |
| most supportive of her child to be supportive of the | | | | |