| As I have discussed in other newsletters and in | | | | and validate what their teen is saying without actually |
| lectures, being a teenager means wanting | | | | giving them any specific advice. Sometimes parents |
| independence and wanting to be in control - this is part | | | | feel that they may lose an opportunity to guide their |
| of the "nature of the beast" of being a teen whether | | | | teen if they do not offer advice in such situations, |
| we like it or not. So, with this said, it is very difficult for | | | | however, this is generally not the case. In these |
| parents to offer, let alone give advice to their | | | | situations they will ask for advice if they want it. |
| teenagers. Parents often times having great feedback | | | | 4. Feeling rejected after giving advice: sometimes |
| and advice to give that would ultimately save their | | | | teenagers actually seek advice or seem to really take |
| teen from making mistakes or experiencing pain, | | | | the advice parents give them. This makes parents feel |
| however, they struggle with figuring out how to share | | | | useful, helpful and connected. However, what can |
| their wisdom with their teenager. Below are 5 tips for | | | | happen after this is teens then push their parents |
| parents in giving advice to teens. | | | | away instead of thanking them or seeking further |
| 1. Lectures: in giving lectures, be selective. If you give | | | | advice. This is again related to teens wanting to feel |
| too many, they will lose their impact completely and | | | | independent. After the fact, they may feel that needing |
| your teen will just tune you out. I generally suggest | | | | advice from their parents is a sign of weakness or a |
| giving lectures if you really cannot think of anything else | | | | sign of not being as independent as they should be. |
| to do in a situation. If you do give a lecture, I suggest | | | | Even though this perception is likely not reality, it can |
| keeping it short and to the point rather than going on | | | | lead to teens pushing their parents away so that they |
| and on while waiting for your teen to give you some | | | | can feel less dependent on them. In these situations, it |
| feedback or thanking you for your advice (as you | | | | is best for parents to not take this rejection personally |
| know - this will likely not occur). | | | | and to continue to be there for their teens as needed. |
| 2. Giving advice in general: don't have high hopes for | | | | 5. Be open to another adult giving advice to your teen: |
| your teen to say, "thank you so much, you are brilliant | | | | often times parents feel rejected or like they are failing |
| and I really appreciate your advice". Instead, your teen | | | | if their teen will accept advice from an adult other than |
| will likely reject your advice because it impacts their | | | | them. Teens do not feel as vulnerable when seeking |
| sense of independence. However, they WILL likely still | | | | and accepting advice from other adults because there |
| hear it and may be able to digest it and put it into | | | | is not such a strong emotional connection to other |
| action at a later time. | | | | adults. In addition, teens generally do not feel so |
| 3. Just be present: a lot of times teens just want to | | | | dependent on adults other than their parents so taking |
| know you are there to listen to what they have to say | | | | their advice does not make them feel like they are |
| about a peer, a teacher, music, or something with | | | | "weak", "too dependent" or like they are not growing |
| which they are struggling. They don't necessarily want | | | | up. Parents should not feel rejected if this occurs and |
| any direct feedback or advice about what to do. In | | | | should actually see the benefit in having other positive |
| these situations, it is powerful for parents to just listen | | | | adults in their teen's life. |