| How do I raise good kids? What is good parenting? | | | | can destroy the future long before it arrives. |
| Should I smack my child? What do children need? Am | | | | ROLE MODELS |
| I doing the right thing? Will my kids love me? | | | | Role Models are another powerful tool that parents |
| These are some of the vital questions people ask | | | | can bring into their child's life. Most children today are |
| once they have children. Biology turns people into | | | | given their role models by the popular culture. Sadly |
| parents before they are fully prepared for the task. | | | | many of those role models are unworthy of directing |
| And a Birth Certificate is not a qualification of good | | | | the future of your child. By carefully selecting people of |
| parenting. Child raising involves skills and attitudes that | | | | character as role models a parent can read books, tell |
| may not come naturally to many. Discipline is always a | | | | stories and even personally introduce their children to |
| challenge. Parenting is a minefield for those who lack | | | | inspiring exemplars. |
| confidence. | | | | My own children have been inspired over the years by |
| So, How can you be a "Good Parent"? Here are | | | | the example of people from the past. Biographies |
| some practical tips from my observations around the | | | | about people of courage, persistence and grace have |
| world. | | | | been a great resource in our home. |
| As a seminar speaker on the topics of Marriage, | | | | NORMALISING |
| Family and Parenting, I have had to think through the | | | | Another interesting tool in the parent's tool-box is what |
| issues and also answer questions that have been | | | | I call "normalising". When you feed certain foods to |
| posed to me across the globe. What I have found is | | | | your child you make that flavour and texture normal |
| that the issues which challenge western parents in the | | | | for your child. Mexican children think that spicy food is |
| USA or Australia are the same ones that test parents | | | | normal, while native children in Papua New Guinea think |
| in African townships, Greek cities, Fijian villages and | | | | that cold sweet potato is normal. |
| Asian jungles. | | | | The example you set and the things you engage your |
| CONFIDENCE | | | | children with become normal for them. In some homes |
| Firstly let me suggest that personal confidence suits | | | | argument is normal. In other homes being industrious is |
| parenting better than insecurity. While we should be | | | | normal. Others make study, music or sport normal. To |
| thoughtful and teachable about what we are doing as | | | | some being greedy and competitive is normal, while for |
| parents, it is always best to come to a place of | | | | others sharing is normal. |
| confidence and security, than to be forever uncertain. If | | | | The pattern you establish creates the context in which |
| you are indecisive and insecure take time to find a | | | | your child will feel comfortable for the rest of their life. |
| simple set of guidelines which you can follow with | | | | Obviously, then, it is best to make the best things |
| confidence. I have written Parenting Horizons - | | | | normal. |
| Empowering Parents to Build Generations, specifically | | | | THE GREATEST TOOL OF ALL |
| to give guidance to parents who are uncertain how to | | | | What is the greatest tool of all? Your unconditional |
| proceed. | | | | love for the child has to be one of the most powerful |
| THE OBJECTIVE | | | | tools you have as a parent. The bond of affection that |
| Another important aspect of parenting is to know | | | | you establish with your child will cause them to be |
| where you are going. It could be put like this, "Start with | | | | fulfilled and set you both up for the kind of relationship |
| the end in mind". Your role as parent involves caring | | | | that can work through any difficulties. |
| for the child and helping them grow into adulthood. The | | | | Whatever else you do, love your child. And if you are |
| more specifically you focus on an outcome the more | | | | not sure how to do that, let me give you a |
| effectively you will achieve it. If all you want your child | | | | non-emotional definition of love. You love someone |
| to do is "survive" into adulthood, then they may grow | | | | when you want what is best for them, despite the |
| to be an adult criminal or an adult fool. I am sure you | | | | cost to yourself. |
| would prefer that they grew to be a model citizen with | | | | Note that wanting what is best does not mean you |
| wisdom, compassion, discipline, self-control, grace, etc. | | | | must make that person "happy". Pulling a splinter, |
| So, where are you going as a parent? Where do you | | | | cleaning a wound or making them take horrible |
| want your child to end up? If you want your child to | | | | medicine may be what is "best" even though it brings |
| have good morals, then you need to think about how | | | | pain or is unpleasant. You love your child when you will |
| to achieve that. If you want your child to be | | | | give them what is truly going to be best for them in the |
| compassionate then you will have to promote that in | | | | long run. The child may be angry with you, or may not |
| them. If you want your child to be responsible then you | | | | like your decisions at times. But as you determine to |
| will need to cultivate that in them over their growing | | | | want what is best for them they will come to realise |
| years. | | | | and appreciate what you have done for them. |
| PARENTS "TOOL-BOX" | | | | WHERE DO YOU GET MORE HELP? |
| Successful parenting not only involves intelligent vision | | | | Learning to be a Good Parent is not something that will |
| for where you are going and where you want your | | | | happen by accident. The fact that you are reading this |
| child to end up, but it requires an understanding of the | | | | article is a good sign. It shows that you are interested |
| tools. Parents have an amazing "tool box" of effective | | | | in finding out more and are open to learning things that |
| strategies which help mould their child's life. Some of | | | | you might not have known. Congratulations. Now I |
| the tools are in the home, while others involve the | | | | encourage you to keep on learning. |
| extended family, church and community groups, and | | | | If you would like more advice to help you parent your |
| social influences. | | | | children then you will find my book, Parenting Horizons, |
| A parent's example is a powerful tool in the child's life. | | | | to be a valuable handbook. You can find out more |
| If you are grumpy and selfish, you will very likely raise | | | | about the book at |
| children who are the same. If you are thoughtful and | | | | A FINAL QUESTION FOR YOU |
| forgiving you will likely raise children who display those | | | | Have you considered your options? You most likely |
| same things. | | | | have a large range of support mechanisms around |
| WORDS | | | | you that you may not have fully accessed. Let me |
| Another powerful tool involves the words parents | | | | suggest some of them for you. You have your |
| speak to their children. Words can be creative and | | | | parents and extended family members. Those who |
| inspirational or discouraging and destructive. The way | | | | have raised children will be able to give you advice and |
| you talk to your child and about the child to others will | | | | support. You have neighbours and friends. You have |
| create an inner vision within the child. Your words will | | | | churches and caring citizens in your community. You |
| become a self-fulfilling prophecy. | | | | have social organisations and government bodies. You |
| Parents can create a whole world of expectation | | | | most likely have a local library with books and |
| within a child, simply through their words. | | | | resources. There is the telephone, internet, and snail |
| Imagine a parent talking with their young child about | | | | mail for you to contact people and ask for help. You |
| how wonderful it will be for that child to bring their | | | | may have an employer and fellow employees. Don't |
| children along in years to come, so the grandchildren | | | | underestimate the good will of your community, |
| can play on the same rocking horse that the child now | | | | shop-keepers, elected officials, and so many more |
| plays on. An image of generational continuity is built up | | | | people around you. |
| in the child's mind. | | | | And, you can always take time to pray. Ask God for |
| Compare that with a statement such as, "I can't wait | | | | His help, wisdom and support. Many have done it |
| for you to grow up and get off my hands so I can | | | | before you and attest to amazing answers to such |
| finally enjoy myself." | | | | prayers. |
| The creative use of words can inspire wonderful | | | | I wish you every success as a parent. May you and |
| outcomes for the future. The unwise use of words | | | | your children be blessed. |