| Have you ever been at a restaurant, and your child | | | | also my neighbor's children, nieces and nephews. Their |
| wanted what your other child got? Your other child | | | | ages ranged from 2-7 years old. It has worked every |
| would not share, and all of a sudden your 2 year old | | | | time for me. It just takes some patience, time and |
| started screaming? No matter what you tried he or | | | | practice. You will see eventually the kids will be doing |
| she would not calm down. How about you were | | | | these techniques to other kids they see behaving the |
| working on something important, and all of sudden your | | | | way they did. My son and daughter sometimes teach |
| child began screaming? The kids fought over a toy, | | | | me these techniques if I am sad and crying. It really |
| and one of them was screaming their head off. If you | | | | works for adults as well as children. You just need 30 |
| have ever felt this way, I am here to tell you that I | | | | seconds to implement it, and then they're on their way. |
| have found the solution to your problem. | | | | Once you can get your child to learn these new habits, |
| Being a mother of 3 children, I have felt this way many | | | | you then teach them that crying and whining doesn't |
| times, and always wished I could have a solution to | | | | really help them get what they want. If they want |
| make the child quiet in 30 seconds or less. That way | | | | something, they need to ask for it kindly, and if it is |
| everyone can move on, and I don't need to get | | | | something the parent thinks the child needs they will |
| stressed, nor do they need to be stressed, or crying. | | | | get it, if it is not, then they need to understand the |
| My first question to all parents is why do children cry? | | | | parent knows best. The more the parent is able to |
| There are many reasons a child cries. I will list briefly | | | | explain to the child, the better the child understands. |
| what some of those reasons are: hunger, fear, | | | | Sometimes it takes 10 - 20 times of repetition, but |
| someone hurt them, they want something, or just trying | | | | eventually it does soak in. It is also at this time, that I |
| to get attention. Have you ever been in a situation | | | | speak to the other child about how they treated this |
| where you have a 2-7 year old and something | | | | one. If there is two or three of them, then once this |
| happens, and they begin crying so loud? Crying | | | | child is relaxed, I go over and tell the other ones, what |
| uncontrollably? It's as if someone was trying to kidnap | | | | they did was wrong, and that' not how we should treat |
| them, yet nothing has happened to them. To the child it | | | | this situation. I then give them an example of how I |
| feels as if their world is falling apart. Yet most parents | | | | would treat this situation. That way they are aware |
| feels that ignoring the problem is the solution, but it's not. | | | | that there is many ways to deal with a situation. I want |
| I have stated what some doctor's have to say about | | | | the kids to put that in their memory banks of their |
| that, after extensive research being done on children | | | | brains, and use it when this situation or another similar |
| crying." | | | | one arises. |
| "One study showed infants who experienced | | | | A few more quotes on why crying is not the right thing |
| persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to | | | | for a child to carry on |
| have ADHD as a child, along with poor school | | | | • "Leaving a baby to cry evokes physiological |
| performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers | | | | responses that increase stress hormones. Crying |
| concluded these findings may be due to the lack of | | | | infants experience an increase in heart rate, body |
| responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies." | | | | temperature and blood pressure. These reactions are |
| (Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and | | | | likely to result in overheating and, along with vomiting |
| Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, | | | | due to extreme distress, could pose a potential risk of |
| 2002; 109:1054-1060.) | | | | SIDS in vulnerable infants. There may also be |
| "Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and | | | | longer-term emotional effects. There is compelling |
| colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 | | | | evidence that increased levels of stress hormones |
| separate studies how prolonged crying in infants | | | | may cause permanent changes in the stress |
| causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates | | | | responses of the infant's developing brain. These |
| stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of | | | | changes then affect memory, attention, and emotion, |
| the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. | | | | and can trigger an elevated response to stress |
| They concluded that caregivers should answer cries | | | | throughout life, including a predisposition to later anxiety |
| swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively." (J pediatrics | | | | and depressive disorders." Pinky McKay |
| 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University. | | | | Pinky McKay is the mother of five, an International |
| Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal | | | | Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and a |
| Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36) | | | | Certified Infant Massage Instructor. |
| Due to all of these factors and many more, I decided | | | | • English psychotherapist, Sue Gerhardt, author |
| to find a solution to the problem that many parents | | | | of Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a |
| face. | | | | Baby's Brain, " explains that when a baby is upset, the |
| What is the new technique? Well, reading many books | | | | hypothalamus produces cortisol. In normal amounts |
| in this field, studying child psychology, and going to | | | | cortisol is fine, but if a baby is exposed for too long or |
| many seminars still sometimes doesn't equip you for | | | | too often to stressful situations (such as being left to |
| what real life throws at you. At amazement one day, I | | | | cry) its brain becomes flooded with cortisol and it will |
| told myself I had to figure out how to quiet these kids | | | | then either over- or under-produce cortisol whenever |
| quickly, and effectively. For I am a stay at home who | | | | the child is exposed to stress. Too much cortisol is |
| home schools, and works from home. I couldn't have | | | | linked to depression and fearfulness; too little to |
| them crying all day, if I was teaching the other ones, or | | | | emotional detachment and aggression." |
| if I started cleaning. Yet, I don't have the time to sit with | | | | At this time I would like to go into a summary of how |
| each one for 10-15 minutes at a time. That alone took | | | | all of this works: |
| most of my time. That's when I tested and tried my | | | | • First, take a deep breath your self. |
| new strategy. I thought if it worked for me, than it | | | | • Next, bring the crying child over and teach |
| could work on anyone. Are you ready? | | | | them how to take deep breaths, tell them to follow |
| Basically, anytime a child begins to cry for whatever | | | | you. Take about 4-5 Deep Breaths. |
| reason it is: | | | | • Third, have them blow out back to back for |
| 1. You take a deep breath and then bring them | | | | another 10 seconds. By this time, the kid should be |
| close to you, and then go through these exercises with | | | | laughing out loud with you. |
| them. | | | | • Fourth, now you have broken their pattern |
| 2. You show them how to take a deep breath. | | | | of crying into being happy. |
| As they take one, take another one, and then another | | | | • Ask what happened, and help them |
| one. I usually take 4-5 deep breaths with them, and | | | | understand. |
| then I say ok, now we will do it this way. | | | | This is vital to break the pattern. Once the pattern is |
| 3. I start to blow out faster and faster and laugh | | | | broken with something better taking its place then it |
| while I am doing it. They love this part the most. They | | | | won't be long when, you'll notice they cry less and less. |
| blow out and smile and laugh with me. It changes their | | | | As they age they will realize that crying should be left |
| whole mood, and they no longer are crying. | | | | for something really painful and not every two minutes. |
| 4. Once they have calmed down, then I sit them | | | | As parents and educators we need to teach them to |
| on my lap and ask them what happened. By this time, | | | | learn there are different styles and ways to do things. |
| their smiling and they have to use a normal tone, not a | | | | We need them to be able to help them calm |
| whining tone to tell me what happened. | | | | themselves down, and them to formulate that habit as |
| 5. After they tell me, then I help them figure out | | | | they grow up. To be confident, and handle any |
| what went wrong, and what not to do again, to get | | | | situation that comes at them with a different approach. |
| that type of reaction. They agree, and it's finally over. I | | | | This approach will lower their stress and build their |
| break the pattern they are in, with a whole new | | | | confidence. The less they cry, and the more they are |
| pattern, which helps them calm themselves down. | | | | loved, the more stability these kids will have with their |
| I have used this technique not only on my children, but | | | | own emotions. |