| Previous generations told children what to do, how to | | | | they would have already done it. The more direct and |
| do it, when to do it and the only answer to the "But, | | | | clear statement would be "It is time to clean your |
| why?" was, "Because I said so." Although some of | | | | room." The message and directive is clear, no further |
| that is still okay, depending on the issue, parenting skills | | | | explanations are needed. |
| have changed. | | | | Some directions need no further explanations. Phrasing |
| Parents are more likely to explain why expectations | | | | the statement in specific terms avoids any possibility |
| are what they are. However, with explanations can | | | | of conflict. A perfect example would be safety issues: |
| also come debates. Most parents still resort to | | | | When you say, "Put that knife down, you can cut |
| "because I said so" when the argument becomes | | | | yourself," you want the child to comply immediately. |
| tiresome. Parents are busy these days. So are kids. | | | | That is a clear direction with the explanation built into |
| Time is limited and very few parents want to spend | | | | the command. If you were to say, "Put the knife |
| that time arguing about rules, expectations, behavior or | | | | down," you have left the child an opening for the "But |
| anything else for that matter. However, when parents | | | | why?" Listen to the message you are sending. Make it |
| let too many issues slide, typically the behavior of the | | | | clear and self explanatory. |
| child becomes a significant concern. It is time to | | | | Other issues can and should be discussed with the |
| fine-tune your communication skills. | | | | parent making the final decision. Sometimes, on a |
| Parenting tip that rarely needs further explanation: | | | | limited basis, the decision can be that you allow the |
| Listen to yourself. How are your communicating with | | | | child to make the decision. Those decisions are |
| your child? The Golden Rule applies. Speak to your | | | | important to the healthy development of your child. |
| child and request your child to speak to you in ways | | | | The children need to learn how to make decisions and |
| that are respectful. Abrupt and un-thought-out | | | | the only way to do that is to allow the children to |
| responses tend to be regretful. When you catch | | | | make the decision and be rewarded or suffer the |
| yourself speaking in a manner that is less than kind; | | | | consequences. So, when appropriate, discuss decisions |
| stop. Take a deep breath and start over. Walk away | | | | that the child can make. Help them weigh the pros and |
| if you must but stop the disrespectful talk, from either | | | | cons. Then, let them make the decision and reap the |
| side. Then use a loving but firm voice, give eye contact | | | | reward/consequence. Remember, with every choice |
| and speak your peace. | | | | comes a consequence. When applicable, let the child |
| Results often vary depending on the message sent. | | | | make the choice. Let them learn from those choices. |
| How many times have we said, "I want you to clean | | | | But, along the way, set the example as to how to |
| up your room, okay?" Of course it isn't okay with the | | | | make appropriate decisions. |
| child. If they would have wanted to clean the room, | | | | |