| How do you know when you are care taking | | | | affair and the designated "patient" or the alcoholic |
| someone or just giving care? This is the most asked | | | | addict is only one part to the puzzle. Yes, an |
| question in the family dynamics of a family dealing with | | | | awareness of parent's motives becomes crucial in the |
| an addicted member. I am going to address this topic | | | | dynamics of change for the entire family. |
| from the perspective of a parent with a child who has | | | | I can recall a father of a family I worked with said the |
| an addiction. | | | | reason he could not say no to his child was because |
| Learning how to say "no" or not care too much that | | | | he felt guilty for all the time that was lost due to his |
| one looses their own identity is a difficult task for | | | | own drug behaviors and this was a way for him to |
| parents dealing with a child who is manipulating them | | | | feel good. |
| into setting up situations where they can use again. | | | | I always tell a family like this that the first step in the |
| A place for a parent to look at the answer for this is | | | | change process is to acknowledge this misplaced |
| within them. They have to check their own motives. | | | | motive and then change can happen. It is said that you |
| Easier said than done but definitely a necessary step | | | | cannot get out of a hole if you don't know you have |
| to stop doing what you have always done and got the | | | | fallen into one. That stops the blame and shame on |
| same results. It is said that doing the before mentioned | | | | the parent. Recovery is not continuing blaming but |
| action is that definition for INSANITY. | | | | being in the solution and care giving involves being |
| So what would be a motive? It could be that a parent | | | | conscious and making decisions that support whats |
| wants to be liked or wants to feel good about them. | | | | best for all involved. |
| Keep in mind that the recovery process is a family | | | | |