| It is necessary for parents to control and set limits on | | | | providing a confusing message to him. "Would you like |
| inappropriate behavior. Consistent limit-setting could help | | | | to have a bath now?" and if your child says no while |
| to make children feel calm and protected by someone | | | | you expect him to comply, you are stuck as you must |
| who knows the world better than he/she does. | | | | think of a way to convince him to take a bath. "Do" |
| Research has also shown that most children fail to | | | | commands such as "Put away the toys", "Go to bed", |
| comply with rules set by parents about one-third of the | | | | "Hold the glass with both hands" are assertive |
| time. They will protest when an activity or object is | | | | statements that a child will understand and follow. |
| denied and parents must understand that this is a | | | | 5. Give positive and polite commands |
| healthy expression of a child's need for independence | | | | Angry parent who gives a sarcastic command or a |
| and autonomy. | | | | negative comment such as "why don't you sit still for |
| Here are some of the tips parents could use when | | | | once in your life!" tend to encourage a child to retaliate |
| setting limits for or give commands to their children: | | | | the criticism by choosing not to comply. |
| 1. Reduce commands and keep them short | | | | 6. Use start commands |
| Would you be surprised to learn that on average | | | | "Stop fighting", "Don't do that", "Shut up", "Enough of |
| parent gives 17 commands in half an hour? Research | | | | that" are all stop commands that tell a child what not |
| has proven that frequent commands DO NOT | | | | to do and place focus on the misbehavior. Parent will |
| improve a child's behavior and a child will not be able to | | | | realize that if you tell your child "don't throw the toys", a |
| follow through 17 commands in half an hour. A second | | | | toy is just what the child is likeliest to throw simply |
| time of "Put away the toys" is not necessary if the | | | | because that is what the parent's words have made |
| child has already begun to put them away. Before | | | | him visualize. Give limit setting command that details the |
| giving a limit setting command, think about whether it is | | | | behavior you desire, use "Please speak quietly" instead |
| an important issue and whether you are prepared to | | | | of "Stop yelling". |
| follow through with the consequences if your child | | | | 7. Allow time to comply |
| does not comply. One useful tip is to have five or ten | | | | While immediate compliance is sometimes necessary |
| "unbreakable" rules for your family and have them | | | | such as those around safety issues, for most |
| posted on a readily visible place. Once you have the | | | | occasions, children deserve an opportunity to succeed |
| list, you'll find that you are more precise when you | | | | in complying. Pause, and count silently to five after |
| state them and you are also able to reduce | | | | giving a limit setting command, if the child has still not |
| unnecessary commands. | | | | complied, then you can consider this noncompliance. |
| 2. Avoid chain or repeat commands | | | | 8. Give warnings and reminders |
| Parents tend to give a string of limit setting commands | | | | Give a reminder or warning prior to command to |
| without giving the child time to comply with the first | | | | prepare the children to make transitions. "In five more |
| command. This kind of information overload is difficult | | | | minutes, it will be time to put your blocks away and go |
| for young children to remember. Giving chain | | | | to bed" is definitely more likely to obtain compliance |
| commands denies the parent the opportunity to praise | | | | than "Go to bed now". |
| the child for complying with any of the individual | | | | 9. Use "After... then" commands |
| commands. This eventually leads to noncompliance | | | | Avoid using commands that sound like threats such as |
| because the child who can't retain all information simply | | | | "You are going to be sorry if you did that." This type of |
| can't comply with them, and even if he can comply | | | | command vaguely implies the consequence and will |
| with the few initial commands, there will be no praises | | | | tend to cause the child to be defiant rather than |
| to reinforce his compliance. Also, saying the same | | | | compliant. Use "when... then" commands to tell your |
| command over and over again will give the children the | | | | child in advance the exact consequences of his |
| perception that there is no real need to comply until the | | | | actions. Command such as "After you've put way the |
| fifth time. | | | | toys, then you can watch your television program" |
| 3. Give realistic commands | | | | gives your child the choice to comply or not to, and |
| Give limit setting commands that are realistic and | | | | knowledge of the consequences of each choice. |
| appropriate for the age of the child. Expecting a | | | | In summary, giving effective commands for limit setting |
| hyperactive child to sit quietly for long periods at dinner | | | | does not require parents to be authoritarian and rigid, |
| or expecting a three-year-old to make his bed is | | | | nor for parents to expect 100 percent compliance |
| unrealistic expectations. | | | | from the children. Rather, parents should be prepared |
| 4. Give "Do" commands | | | | to follow through with praise or consequences to |
| "Question commands" are particularly confusing for | | | | reinforce their children's compliance or to hold them |
| children. If you expect your child to comply but phrase | | | | accountable for their noncompliance. |
| your limit setting command as a question, you are | | | | |