Managing Difficult People

Managing people and particularly difficult ones, is thebeing has a different level of need for
hardest job in the world. No one shows you what toacknowledgement. Some people need a lot, others
do; there are very few training programmes, and mostless so.
people believe it is just something you can or can't do.Here's one way to manage a 'difficult' employee. Try
The reason it's such a hard job, is that every humanconcentrating on what they do well and tell them about
being is different. Just because you successfullyit. Spend less time with and even ignore them when
manage one in a particular way, does not mean to saythey behave badly. It's not uncommon for managers to
you'll be successful with others. Humans are the mostinvest 90 per cent of their energy responding to
complex and complicated pieces of equipment you'llnegative performance and only 10 per cent
ever have to deal with. Many of them have similaritiesstrengthening positive performance. If you 'reward'
but every one of them is different and they all work ingood behaviour - you'll get more of it. If you 'reward'
a slightly different way. They are totally driven by theirbad behaviour - you'll get more of it.
emotions and are unlikely to respond to any logicalPrevention is always better than cure and can make
argument.your life a whole lot easier when managing difficult
So, what do we mean by a difficult person? It couldpeople. As stated earlier; human beings are almost
someone who bullies, manipulates, annoys you andtotally driven by their emotions. It therefore makes
causes you unhappiness and stress. They say or dosense to communicate on both a human and business
things you don't like or find offensive and unacceptable.level when dealing with another person. This is about all
And, of course, this creates problems in the workplace.the simple things like using their name, being warm and
There are a whole range of behaviours that we mayfriendly; listening and showing that you're listening. It's
classify as difficult. I could list at least sixty, but not all ofabout increasing your 'likeability factor'. It's not about be
these are 'difficult' for everyone. Some people maynicey-nicey; it's just harder for people to be difficult if
regard a 'complainer' as a difficult person, whereasthey feel that you genuinely care and are interested in
others couldn't care less if someone complains or not.them.
Statistically, only about two per cent of the populationIt's also important not to get 'hooked' by the other
could be regarded as genuinely difficult. If you're havingperson's behaviour. Stay out of it emotionally and don't
a problem with a difficult person, what you're reallyrise to the bait.
experiencing is conflict. It will make life easier if youSome words are better than others. Telling the other
identify if you are dealing with conflict or a genuinelyperson to 'calm down' or that they 'cant' or that they'll
difficult person. Truly difficult people are rare, and you'have to' do something, can often exacerbate a
may have to accept that it isn't personal, and theysituation.
may just be that way. Conflict is personal and weIt's also important to be aware that the other person
may have to accept that we are part of the tensionmay not see a situation they way you see it. They
that is created.see the world differently from you and believe that
You've no doubt asked yourself why some people arewhat they say, how they behave, and their
difficult. Stress can cause people to be difficult andexpectations are all acceptable.
they get stressed for all sorts of reasons. Often it'sAssertive communication can make all the difference
just their inability to deal with aspects of their job andto your ability to manage difficult people. To develop
their personal life. They tend to blame other people andyour assertiveness, you don't have to change your
circumstances, but most often they have the answerspersonality, only your behaviour and thoughts.
within themselves.Assertive behaviour will help you communicate clearly
It's fair to say that people sometimes have problemsand confidently your needs, wants and feelings to
that are out with their control. A death in the family,other people without abusing in any way their human
breakdown of a marriage or a relationship, problemsrights. It is more positive, it will produce better results
with children, or they may have health issues.when managing a difficult person, and it can be
It's often the case in the workplace, that people findlearned. It is worth studying 'Broken Record' technique
difficulty in doing their job and in finding help. Althoughand 'Negative Assertion'.
they may not admit to this, they might feel inadequateBroken Record is the skill of being able to repeat over
and express their frustration by complaining, beingand over again in a calm relaxed and assertive way;
negative and difficult.whatever it is you want or need. This continues until
Some people are not conscious of how they'rethe other person concedes or agrees to negotiate
perceived by others. They believe that their behaviourwith you.
is quite normal and are unable to understand whyNegative Assertion technique is used primarily to deal
some people see it otherwise.with criticism from a difficult person. This is where you
We all see the world differently from each other. Butcalmly agree with the true criticism of your negative
some people's programming causes them to becomequalities. It is sometimes known as verbal judo.
annoyed when others don't see it as they see it.When dealing with a difficult member of staff, you
Some people's lack of self-confidence and belief incould ignore their behaviour, you could reprimand them,
themselves, often causes them to be angry at theor you could coach.
world. They believe that other people are out to doCoaching is the best option. It's not some kind of
them down and that everything is against them.touch-feely approach. It's about finding out the cause
Are you frustrated by that 'difficult' employee whoof the difficult behaviour, letting the staff member
never seems to do things quite right and takes up soknow that you are unwilling to accept the situation,
much of your time and attention? It's very easy to falllistening to what they have to say, and agreeing how
into the trap of condemning that person as a no-hoperto put it right. If you do it well, you will have a happier
or a problem child. But have you ever considered whystaff member who performs positively and doesn't
they might be behaving badly? It could be that theygive you a hard time.
have a massive need for acknowledgement.Managing difficult people is a challenge we all face at
A human's need for acknowledgement is so strongsome time in our life and prevention will always be
that they'll sometimes behave badly to get thatbetter than cure. It's important to choose your
acknowledgement. I'm sure you're aware of childrenbehaviour and not allow the difficult person to choose it
who behave badly in school just to get attention - well,for you. Don't allow yourself to be Hooked by what
adults do it too.other people say or do; always think before opening
Acknowledgement is about recognition or attentionyour mouth or taking action. Choose to be Assertive
from another person. It can be physical such as - a patwhen you need to; allowing yourself to be Submissive
on the back, a touch or a handshake. It can also beor Aggressive, will make life much harder for you.
psychological such as - a word of praise, aWhen faced with a difficult person, be it a colleague or
compliment, even a "hello!" It can also just be timea customer; always be aware that they may see the
spent with the person.world differently from you. Empathise with their
Physical and psychological attentions are absolutelyviewpoint and offer solutions that ensure a win-win
vital to human beings. We all need it and we need itoutcome.
every day. However, it must be said that every human