| Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for | | | | are usually associated with having asked the child to |
| your child not obeying you when you have asked him | | | | do something. Over the years I have developed some |
| or her to do something. It is helpful because it is | | | | presuppositions with respect to children and their |
| descriptive, and because it may also motivate us as | | | | behavior. I'd like to pass this on to you, as parents, with |
| parents to move our kids from being non-compliant to | | | | the hope that it will help you in dealing with your |
| being compliant. Here's how we are going to define the | | | | non-compliant child. They are: 1. Kids are weird. Children |
| term "non-compliance" in children: 1. The child fails to | | | | do not think like adults do, they do not process |
| begin doing what he was asked within a reasonable | | | | information as adults do. The do not see the world |
| amount of time (15 seconds); | | | | around them as adults do. |
| 2. The child fails to keep doing what he was asked | | | | 2. Kids are fools. This is not original with me. King |
| until the job is finished; | | | | Solomon, reflecting on his growing family (remember |
| 3. The child fails to follow previously taught rules of | | | | he had 1,000 wives and many children) said this a long |
| conduct in a specific situation, such as at church, at | | | | time ago. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a |
| school, at the store, or with friends; When your child is | | | | child," is the way he put it. Simply said, "Kids will do |
| non-compliant you need to take action. You simply | | | | foolish things, they are not yet wise." It is our job as |
| cannot ignore the behavior hoping that it will go away. | | | | parents to teach them wisdom. |
| Deal with the situation yourself, or consider getting | | | | 3. We often EXPECT more out of our kid's behavior |
| some professional help in tough situations. | | | | than we expect from ourselves. We want others to |
| Non-compliance should be treated because: 1. It is the | | | | excuse faults in us, yet we will expect perfection in our |
| most frequent complaint of parents seeking help in | | | | children. This needs to change. |
| clinics; | | | | 4. Children do things on purpose. Sometimes your child |
| 2. It underlies most negative interactions between | | | | will misbehave on purpose. He is testing you. He is |
| family members and the child; | | | | observing you. Draw the line now, or you will be sorry |
| 3. Because disruptive-aggressive behaviors usually do | | | | later. |
| not occur randomly. Instead they occur in "bursts" and | | | | |