Parenting ODD Children - Why Rewards Don't Work

Rewards. Positive Reinforcement. How often haveWhat are you going to give him? You just need to
we heard that this is a great way to motivate ourgive more and more, and higher and higher level of
children? However, if you're dealing with an oppositionalrewards.
defiant disorder child or a normal but difficult child, usingAnd the final problem with giving rewards is that
rewards can be a big mistake.sometimes, there's just not a reward big enough to get
I'm sure you've heard from many sources that givingthe behavior you want. You might be able to buy
rewards is a great parenting technique and it works incompliance from your child on minor things, but on the
a lot of children. However, for ODD children inbig issues, the issues which your ODD child is fighting
particular, it does not usually work and I'm going toyou on, there's not going to be any reward you can
explain way.buy that's going to make a difference.
The common way parents are taught to give rewardsThe reason for this is that ODD children want to be in
has three basic problems. First of all, your child's worldcharge. That's the major issue for them. When your
is not a world of reward and punishment. Your childchild disobeys you, he gets the sensation he is in
sometimes just has to listen to what he's being told tocharge. He's in charge of himself and there's nothing
do without any reward.you can do about it. You just can't buy that away
For example, he's in school. When your child is in thefrom him with rewards.
classroom with thirty children in the same class, theSo what typically happens is this. Let's say in the case
teacher's not expected to use rewards to get eachof Amy.
child to listen. Children just have to listen. That's howAmy's a 11-year-old girl who is a little bit defiant, and
the world functions. That's how your world operates,Amy's mother wants her to help fold the laundry.
also. No one gives you rewards for obeying the laws,There are times Amy does not mind folding the
for driving safely, for not cheating on your taxes. Thelaundry and she'll do it. To motivate her, her mother
world just doesn't work that way.decides to give her a little present every time she
A second problem is that when you use rewards todoes it, $5.00 for example.
motivate ODD children, the need for the size of theThere are going to be times where Amy is upset
rewards just escalates and escalates. The reason isabout something or something's bothering her, and
this. Children are very smart. They catch on quicklyshe's going to want to assert herself, and there's
that you're giving them trinkets and rewards to getnothing the mother's going to be able to do to get her
them to do things. When that happens, they're going toto fold the laundry. Other times she might be busy and
understand that they're behavior is more important toshe won't do it for any reward. Her mother will realize
you than what their receiving, and they're going to startthat the reward is not enough and decide to increase
holding out for more and more and higher and higherthe amount level of reward.
level of rewards.Whatever she'll try to do, Amy is not going to comply.
So, your 3-year-old child may be satisfied with aWhat will happen is this. As the reward goes up, she is
sticker or a little trinket not to go out into the street.now fixing a new price for folding laundry.
Your 10 year old will be willing to come home fromThat's the basic problem with using rewards,
school on time if he gets a bigger reward, such as aparticularly in ODD children.
video game. But how are you going to stop yourNow there's a proper way of using rewards, which
teenager from driving drunk? What can you buy him?we'll discuss in a different article.