Parenting Plans That Work - It's All in the Details

It's impossible to draft a parenting plan that covers allwas not notified at the time. In fact, the parent did not
the details that arise when raising children. At somelearn of the incident at all until several months later
point, you just want to get the major things down, suchwhen one of the other children mentioned it. This
as regular parenting time and holidays, and be donesituation was full of missed opportunities for the child
with it. Here are three future details many parentingand the parents; opportunities for the parent to show
plans don't address, but should:the child how much s/he means to the parent, and
Haircuts and Piercingsopportunities for the child to bond with the parent and
It might seem a bit mundane to include details in yourexperience the parent's genuine love and concern.
parenting plan about when, where, and how theWhether or not your parenting plan provides for
children will get their hair cut. But these are details thatshared/joint parenting, the plan should assure that each
can cause increased conflict in a family. When theparent is notified if a child is hospitalized or has a
children are very young, haircuts are day-to-dayserious medical issue.
decisions that don't really merit much attention in yourDriving
parenting plan. And body piercing is not even on theHard as it might be to imagine that your young children
radar!will one day be driving, time does march on and the
As the children get older and start to express theirchildren do grow up. Unless your children are already
independence, however, hair styles and body piercingclose to driving age when you are preparing your
can become major issues between parents, andparenting plan, you don't need to put all the details
between children and parents. Include a generalabout driving in the plan. But you should discuss driving
statement in your parenting plan that expresses yourwhen you're preparing your plan and include some
shared philosophy regarding the children'sgeneral agreements about the issue.
independence in general, and in particular how theyWill you share the cost of driver's education? Will you
may express that independence through their hair andexpect the child to contribute toward that cost? Will
body. You can include in your parenting plan a generaldriving depend on grades or any other criteria? Even if
statement that you understand these issues mightyou choose not to address these issues in your original
arise in the future and how you intend to addressplan, you might include a statement as to your thoughts
them when they do.on driving and how you will address driving-related
Emergency Room or Hospitalizationissues in the future.
How and when should the other parent be notifiedDuring a divorce or separation, working together on a
when a child goes to the emergency room, iscomprehensive parenting plan seems daunting and
hospitalized, or has a serious medical issue? This canuncomfortable. If you take the time in the beginning,
especially be an issue when parents don't live nearhowever, to give some serious thought and discussion
each other and/or parenting time with one parent isto future parenting issues, you and your children will all
infrequent.benefit.
I had a case where a child was hospitalized after a© 2009, Mary Wollard, J.D.
serious traffic accident and the out-of-state parent