| A sullen, non-communicative teenager. A frustrated | | | | problems that we can see obvious solutions to, our |
| parent. | | | | teens find overwhelming. Challenges that would slide |
| Is that the way it is in your home living with your | | | | off our backs, they get lost in. |
| teenager? | | | | As a person, it's humiliating to admit you're |
| Parenting teenagers is a demanding job, no doubt | | | | overwhelmed and lost. So you don't. And neither does |
| about it. Teens have the natural ability to challenge us | | | | your teen. |
| on every level. Whereas once they simply accepted | | | | Teamwork changes that. For example, a parent who's |
| our authority as parents, no more. | | | | noticing their teen is struggling with academics has two |
| Many parents fight against this normal developmental | | | | choices. Yelling (ever noticed how often yelling |
| phase. As a result, their homes become tense | | | | works?). Or leading the way providing training on how |
| battlegrounds as they stand ready to defend their | | | | to make a positive change. |
| positions at a moment's notice. Usually, in this | | | | A parent could say something like "I see you're finding |
| environment, a teen starts out yelling and ends up | | | | your current schoolwork challenging. That's good |
| silent. | | | | because it means you have the chance to learn |
| Because he or she has found somewhere else where | | | | something new here. I have some methods that have |
| their voice can be heard. And appreciated. | | | | worked for me when dealing with challenging work |
| While some teen frustrations are firmly rooted in | | | | and I'd be glad to show them to you. When's a good |
| parenting issues from the child's younger years, if you | | | | time for you?" |
| have an otherwise well-adjusted teenager who simply | | | | For some teens, that conversation is all they need in |
| has stopped talking to you, there are practical things | | | | order to acknowledge they need help. Others will take |
| you can do that will help. | | | | more coaxing. Still, the point is valid. Don't just tell them |
| I am currently parenting my third teenager and these | | | | what to do...work with them, empathize with their |
| communication tips are what we use in our home | | | | frustration, show them how to set a goal, overcome |
| everyday to keep talking alive and well. | | | | obstacles and come out the other side. Then celebrate |
| -- Listening comes first. | | | | with them. They've earned it! And you've earned their |
| Trite but true, your teenager will tune you out if you | | | | respect. |
| never *really* listen to what she has to say. | | | | -- Show them you understand...them. |
| You want to get your teen's attention? Then learn to | | | | While parenting teenagers, we often lecture as |
| listen with your whole being. Use your body language | | | | opposed to discuss. That's only natural for us as |
| and lean closer when he's talking. Make eye contact. | | | | parents. Usually we can see their glaring error in |
| Repeat back what you hear so you're sure you | | | | judgment and we realize it's our duty to correct them. |
| understand every ounce of what your teenager is | | | | Right idea. Wrong method. |
| telling you. Ask clarifying questions. Empathize. Give him | | | | Humility works big time with teenagers. Have you ever |
| your undivided attention (no cell phones, newspapers, | | | | made a mistake that your teen seems to also be |
| no half-hearted 'uh-huh's'). | | | | making? Probably more frequently then you would like |
| In other words, listen to your teen the way you wish | | | | to admit. Well, admit it. When you explain the |
| you were listened to. | | | | boundaries you are placing on their behavior, let your |
| If you do this one step regularly, your teen will seek | | | | past example (mistake) be the "here's what I've |
| you out, yearning to talk to you. | | | | learned from this problem myself" part of the |
| Imagine that. | | | | conversation. |
| -- Respect is king. | | | | Believe me, you'll have their attention when you admit |
| It's easy to be condescending when parenting | | | | to not having it all together. 'Cuz guess what. Everyday |
| teenagers. As parents, we know more than they do, | | | | your teen ACTS like he has it all together to cover up |
| right? We've been around the block numerous more | | | | the fact that he KNOWS he doesn't have it all |
| times than they have. Heck, compared to them, we | | | | together. And he's worried and scared. |
| are wise! | | | | Your admission you've been where he is and you |
| However, here's the real deal. If teens don't feel | | | | found a way out will be welcome news. That you |
| respected by us, they don't accept our influence. | | | | cared enough about him to share your vulnerabilities |
| And all that wisdom goes down the drain. | | | | won't be lost on him, either. |
| That fact is not limited to teenagers, by the way. | | | | Obviously, this parenting tip only applies to age and |
| That's the way we're all wired as human beings. And it | | | | situation-appropriate confessions. But do you get the |
| helps a lot to remember your teen is perilously close to | | | | point here? Your teen is longing for someone who |
| being an adult and feeling the way adults do. Your | | | | knows her and is willing to be on her side. Ideally that |
| teenager is not all grown up yet, but close enough to | | | | needs to be you. |
| give you clues as to what they need. | | | | Parenting teenagers effectively means building |
| Like respect. Earn their respect and they will trust you | | | | relationships with them, listening when it's convenient |
| with their lives. | | | | for them (not you), working with them to help them |
| -- Teamwork means everything. | | | | overcome challenges, earning their respect so it's YOU |
| Teenagers often feel like they're carrying the weight | | | | they think of when they need to talk. |
| of the world on their shoulders. It's easy for us who | | | | This will take patience, an open heart, thick skin and |
| are parenting teenagers to look at their day-to-day | | | | daily time. Things that all prove to your teenager that |
| lives and say, "that's nothing! Wait until you have MY | | | | you think they're worth it. |
| responsibilities!" But what we as parents forget, is that | | | | And they are. |
| our teen is new at these types of responsibilities. So | | | | |