| Anxiety is one of the most prevalent issues among | | | | lot and might even have trouble sleeping. |
| the young clients I counsel. Children feel anxious over | | | | One way to help relieve your children of their worries |
| events or something in their environment. They | | | | is to help define what's bothering them and then put |
| experience physical and mental symptoms such as | | | | their worries in a literal box. First you say, “I |
| increased heart rate, sweaty palms, stomach cramps, | | | | understand that your worries are important to you but |
| and persistent thoughts. These anxieties may lead to | | | | they are also overwhelming sometimes. Your worries |
| sleepless nights, resistance to go places, oppositional | | | | sometimes make you cry or get you angry and |
| behavior, repetitive patterns, or withdrawal. When | | | | sometimes you lose sleep. I want to help you. Let’s |
| anxiety is persistent and high, a professional should be | | | | write your worries down and then put them in this box. |
| employed. When anxiety seems time-limited or | | | | As you have new worries you can add them to the |
| situational, then parents can use these tools to help | | | | box. When the worries feel too heavy, I will carry them |
| their children cope. | | | | for you. I can even keep them overnight. I will take |
| | | | care of them and when you want them back, you can |
| 1. The Worry Spill. Children and adults talk to me | | | | take them back. I am your parent and I will do this for |
| frequently about what I call a worry spill. The worries | | | | you. I can handle the weight of your worries when you |
| start out quite honestly and grow into huge monsters. | | | | cannot.” |
| A child might consistently worry that he will forget to | | | | Then you help your child write her worries on a piece |
| bring his homework to school. Before he knows it, the | | | | of paper. Try the ‘I feel… when… because…” |
| feeling spills into fretting over whether he’ll forget | | | | formula. An example might be “I feel afraid when I |
| his lunch, although he has never forgotten his lunch | | | | go to bed because there might be something under |
| before. In these cases, worrying takes on a life of its | | | | my bed.” Then place the written worry in a special |
| own. Thus, containment is the only solution! | | | | box. This process allows children to let go and feel |
| How does one contain worrying? First, it’s | | | | safe. It’s symbolic and can show your child that she |
| important for people to visualize a worry spill. In | | | | is not in this alone. Sometimes, children never come |
| counseling, I often draw out an Issues Map, a map | | | | back for their worries. |
| shaped like the United States, for instance, with | | | | 3. Parent-Child Journal. Opening up communication with |
| different lines separating different issues. For a child, | | | | your child is very important. If you find the |
| the map might include homework, chores, band, friends, | | | | talking-listening routine a little too much for now, try the |
| family, or world peace. Basically anything the child | | | | parent-child journal. First, purchase a sturdy journal. |
| believes is an issue in his life. Once an Issues Map is | | | | Then, write the first entry on the first page describing |
| drawn, I take a different colored pen and we decide | | | | the purpose of the journal. You might say, |
| when and where the worrying all started. Usually, there | | | | “Sometimes talking about your worries is difficult. I |
| is a starting point. It could have been the day when | | | | know it has been for me at times. But writing down |
| homework wasn’t turned in or an evening when | | | | our problems might feel easier. I am hoping that this |
| mom and dad fought. We put a big X on the spot to | | | | journal is our way to communicate about difficult things |
| show our starting point. Next, we talk about how | | | | until we feel more comfortable talking about them. You |
| worries spill over into new worries when concerns are | | | | will not get in trouble for anything you write and you |
| not addressed. We take a marker and draw the | | | | are not expected to talk about it later. However, |
| worry bleeding over into other areas on the Issues | | | | you’re free to talk about it if you choose. |
| Map. By the time we are done coloring in the map, it is | | | | Open the journal with this entry: "I sometimes worry |
| evident that the worries are out of control. | | | | about… and this is how I cope with that worry.” If |
| Finally, we talk about containment. We discuss how | | | | you have some communication skills, sit down with |
| worrying or anxiety is a helpful energy when we focus | | | | your child and explain that the purpose of the journal is |
| it on solving a particular problem. For instance, the | | | | to open up communication. Once you’ve written |
| problem might be how can I feel assured that I will | | | | your entry, place the journal under your child’s |
| remember my lunch? The solution might be to place a | | | | pillow. Wait patiently for a response. Once you receive |
| sign on the front door that says, “Remember your | | | | your child’s entry, write back thoughtfully and timely. |
| lunch.” If we spend time problem solving and then | | | | After a while, take your child out for a “date” or |
| following through with our solutions our worries often | | | | spend alone time and talk about whatever comes up. |
| go away. Once the original issue is solved, the other | | | | Slowly but surely you’ll find that the pages of your |
| issues tend to deflate. | | | | journaling activity will come to life verbally, however, |
| 2. The Worry Box. Some children live with a great deal | | | | never push beyond your child’s boundaries. Pushing |
| of anxiety. They worry over school. They fret over | | | | can lead to a shut down in communication. |
| sports. They have concerns over friends and family. | | | | These three solutions to moderate anxiety have |
| They feel overwhelmed. To help these children cope, I | | | | proven helpful when parents use them calmly. It's |
| explain to them that sometimes their “emotional | | | | always important to remember that as the parent you |
| cup” feels full. Thus, when parents ask for a chore | | | | model calm behavior and problem solving skills. Talk |
| to be done, these children can easily break into tears | | | | your children through your techniques for coping with |
| or burst in a rage. Parents feel as if they are | | | | stress. If you find that you are not great at handling |
| “walking on eggshells” when children are in this | | | | your own worries, get some help for yourself and |
| state. They often don’t realize how easily they can | | | | share you discoveries with your child. Stress might be |
| tip the emotional cup over with simple requests. Your | | | | a natural part of being human, but decreasing stress |
| children's worries are important to them. And when | | | | and anxiety certainly makes for a healthier, happier |
| children have too many worries, they may be cranky a | | | | lifestyle. |