| f life’s most painful lessons is that death is final, | | | | understand that dying means a permanent separation, |
| and by the time we are adult is we have come to | | | | and that the dead person is gone for good. |
| terms with its finality. We may struggle with its | | | | They have seen enough television violence to |
| inevitability, but we understand that when someone or | | | | associate death with scary circumstances, and may |
| something dies, the loss of life is permanent. | | | | have picked up messages that if they behave in a |
| But we had to come to that realization in stages. And | | | | certain way, they can keep death at bay. |
| if someone close to your family has recently died, your | | | | The image of the Grim Reaper has real appeal to |
| young children may be struggling to understand what | | | | children in this age group because it helps them |
| that means. | | | | personify a very difficult concept. |
| One of the most challenging parts of parenting can be | | | | At this point, effectively parenting your young child |
| that helping your young children understand death in an | | | | through the death of a loved one means giving him or |
| age-appropriate way while allowing them to witness | | | | her clear explanation of why the death occurred, |
| your grief without being confused and frightened by it. | | | | whether it was natural or accidental, and that death is |
| Your approach to parenting your young children | | | | not a person waiting to get people. |
| through the death of a loved one will depend on their | | | | Your children have experienced loss from a very early |
| ages. Children less than five years of age have not | | | | age, ranging from the loss of a favorite toy or having |
| usually grasped the concepts time and place, so being | | | | to share you with a new sibling, to the loss of a pet. |
| told that someone has gone away forever means | | | | They have already experienced grief, and when a |
| nothing. | | | | significant person in their lives dies, they will experience |
| You need to talk in literal terms about things the child | | | | it again. |
| has experienced, and explain death in simple physical | | | | Part of parenting a young child through the death of a |
| terms. | | | | loved one is to encourage him or her to express her |
| Perhaps reminding the child of how one of his or her | | | | grief, and to share your grief openly without giving the |
| favorite toys became old or broken and didn’t | | | | impression that you are so devastated that you will no |
| work any more, explain that the deceased | | | | longer be able to parent the child. |
| person’s body was too old or broken to work. | | | | Young children confronted with death will react with |
| You may have to keep explaining that the person was | | | | denial, refusing to accept its finality; guilt, thinking that if |
| broken too badly to be fixed, and the child | | | | they had behaved better, the loved one would have |
| won’t be able to see him or her again. | | | | been spared; and anxiety, wondering who will fill the |
| And, as harsh as it may sound, parenting your young | | | | void which the death has in their support system. |
| children through the death loved one will be more | | | | Parenting young children through the death of a loved |
| effective if you avoid terms indicating that the family | | | | one means you will have to recognize these feelings, |
| has simply “lost” someone. | | | | and be there to reassure them that even though the |
| Children that young fear being lost, and if an important | | | | dead person is gone permanently, they are not |
| figure in their lives can be “lost,” they | | | | responsible, and you will be there to love and care for |
| might get “lost” as well. | | | | them. |
| By the time children reach primary school, they usually | | | | |