| As I pondered the very broad topic of "parenting" for | | | | grow, use your voice to talk to mom (or dad) about |
| this article, so many lessons learned through the years | | | | any- and everything in your life. |
| dashed through my mind like the fleeting years of my | | | | Two wonderful things happened because they knew |
| children's youth. Then, without even recognizing what I | | | | their voice was an entitlement as well as an allowance! |
| was doing, I asked my now-married daughter and | | | | First, they both knew-and still know-they could talk to |
| teenaged son, "If I was to write an article on parenting, | | | | mom about anything. They even volunteered |
| on what topic do you think I should write?" Knowing | | | | information over the years! When my nearly-grown |
| that they, the products of my sole parenting, would | | | | daughter came home and informed me of her |
| know best what I may have done right or wrong, it | | | | potential intentions with her first love, I didn't "flip out" as |
| was just second-nature to ask their opinions; and they | | | | my parents would have. Inside my voice was crying |
| both had some pretty great answers. | | | | out, "WHAT?!" Outside, my voice was cool, calm, and |
| Then it occurred to me. I have always allowed them to | | | | responsive with, "Okay. You know I don't agree with |
| have their own opinions, their own feelings, their own | | | | this, but I'm glad you came to talk to me. I still |
| voices. As far back as when my younger child was a | | | | encourage you not to do this. Now, what do you want |
| toddler sitting in the shopping cart in the clothing | | | | to do to protect yourself?" And so the conversation |
| department, I would hold up two pairs of tiny pants and | | | | went, the arrangements were made, and as a result, |
| ask him to choose which pair he wanted to wear. He | | | | no big issues like teen pregnancy or diseases came |
| couldn't even really talk yet! But he knew what I was | | | | our way. The way I saw it, and still know to be true, is |
| asking and, at the same time, that I was telling him he | | | | that no matter what my reaction was, she was going |
| has a voice. Funny little guy he was-wobbly, drooling, | | | | to do what she was going to do. When a child is not |
| soft blond hair-so when presented with his choices, he | | | | allowed to have a voice, they will sneak around to do |
| would look at one, then the other, then re-look, and | | | | whatever they intend to do; it's the nature of the |
| finally point and exclaim, "Mmm...dat one!" And so it | | | | impulsive, adolescent beasts. I would rather know |
| was. "Dat one" was the choice he got. His voice was | | | | what's going on in my child's life than be in the dark and |
| heard and even with something so simple, using his | | | | get hit with big or dangerous surprises. Second, they |
| voice got the desired results. We were communicating | | | | learned how to mature into good, moral, and effective |
| and collaborating-both with voices. Now, I don't mean | | | | adults with a voice. With good guidance and |
| the verbal words; these voices are the feelings and | | | | supervision, planted seeds of morality and sensibility, |
| thoughts to which everyone is-or should be-entitled, no | | | | and effective communication between parent and |
| matter how old they are. | | | | child-both with voices of their own-children learn how |
| See, children aren't robots. Of course we raise them to | | | | to become effective and diplomatic communicators as |
| follow our ideals, our values, and understand our mores | | | | adults. They learn when to talk, when to hold their |
| and norms. But in the end, they do have minds of their | | | | tongues, and when their inner voice screams for |
| own and when allowed to blossom with proper | | | | action. These are the self-starters, "need no |
| fertilization and weeding, they can do things we only | | | | supervision," leaders of tomorrow. Having a voice |
| dreamed of doing. I know. In my childhood home, | | | | fosters independence (even if they are still dependent), |
| almost every important "coming of age" topic was | | | | leadership (even when they're still following mom's |
| off-limits. Trying to bring an issue to my parents was | | | | lead), and the critical "think outside the box" ability. And |
| asking for trouble. Either I did things their way, or there | | | | those, my friend, are the qualities that let our |
| was a price to pay. This is why I left home at the | | | | youngsters blossom into successful adult citizens. |
| tender age of seventeen-so I could try my own voice. | | | | So don't worry about letting kids have a voice. As long |
| From that point forward, I still had my parents' values | | | | as their voice isn't louder than yours, you are still in |
| and norms and ideals in mind, but I knew that I had my | | | | control and they don't even realize it. They |
| own as well. By following mine, I achieved great things, | | | | subconsciously follow your voice, but believe it to be |
| so it was only natural to pass the privilege of voice on | | | | their voice speaking out. It's win-win! |
| to my children. | | | | Oh, and just so you know, mom always has the bigger |
| No parent is perfect. Then again, no child is, either. | | | | voice in our home. It's just a matter of respect; but I |
| None of us does everything right, there is no one right | | | | respect my children in return. Think I'm kidding? When |
| or wrong way to do things, and most of us have done | | | | my daughter began to date boys, I required them to |
| something we regret. But we raise our children the | | | | come to our home, present their identification, and |
| best way we know how-user manual not provided-by | | | | allow me to make a copy of it. At first, she was |
| guiding them from our own lessons learned. Since I had | | | | mortified; then, she understood when I said, "I don't |
| learned that zero communication and disallowance of | | | | know this boy from Adam. If you disappear, I want to |
| having a voice didn't help me, I switched techniques | | | | know the first place I'm looking for my child!" It's funny |
| and started my babies from the cradle knowing this: | | | | how voices can come back to get you, though. When I |
| You have a voice. You are entitled to your own | | | | finally began dating a certain someone, my daughter |
| thoughts, feelings, and opinions and don't ever let | | | | comically and sarcastically said, "Okay, mom. I'll need to |
| anyone tell you differently. The real trick is how to use | | | | meet him and get a copy of his driver's license and |
| that voice to achieve great things, stand up and be | | | | Social Security card. You know. Just in case." Touche. |
| noticed, and hurt nobody in the process. And as you | | | | |