| A healthy relationship between a parent and a child is | | | | justified with "love." Emotionally irresponsible adults give |
| built on a foundation of love and understanding along | | | | themselves permission to act out angrily towards |
| with strong communication. The relationship is the | | | | those who rely on them for security because children |
| priority. When a parent focuses on relating to the child | | | | need to know "who's in charge." There is security that |
| on the basis of who he is rather than on what "should" | | | | comes from knowing what parameters exist. |
| be instilled, the relationship is more likely to be close. | | | | However, to assume that children's feelings are less |
| This simple shift in attitude will alleviate a tremendous | | | | important than those of adults is dangerous. |
| amount of parental anxiety. | | | | People learn how to process emotions and respond |
| A common justification for the mis-treatment of | | | | appropriately as a result of experience in combination |
| children, is "That's how I was raised and I turned out | | | | withguidance. Children who are raised in an |
| o.k." The"I turned out o.k." defense is normally reserved | | | | environment in which their feelings are less valid than |
| for the angry and jealous power hungry adult who | | | | those of adults will find a way to be heard.If a child |
| yearns for the glory days when the rod was not | | | | chooses this route it is rarely positive. An important |
| spared and the child was not spoiled. These parents | | | | suggestion is to be in a position in which the parent is |
| can usually be identified by the terminal scowl or the | | | | able and has a desire to communicate ( speak and |
| anxious way they discuss their children's | | | | listen) with their child. Far more results will be seen |
| circumstances. | | | | from clear communication than from adhering to the |
| One problem with the "I turned out o.k." mode of | | | | antiquated "because I'm the adult, that's why" mentality. |
| parenting is that anger and coercive control are | | | | |