| How do myths get started? They're basically stories | | | | well-being of the children involved, than the perceived |
| that take form as fact when they are repeated but | | | | need for love. |
| rarely questioned by people who appear to have | | | | 2. Myth Expectation: We'll be one big happy family, like |
| some authority on the subject. People make decisions | | | | the Brady Bunch, if we spend a lot of time together. |
| and assess relationships based on myths and this can | | | | Reality: Kids need time to adjust to a new dating |
| be frustrating, disappointing and even destructive. | | | | relationship and the worst thing is to throw them |
| Expectations become skewed and distorted because | | | | immediately or constantly into the mix. They may feel |
| people are influenced and guided by information that is | | | | insecure, displaced or even threatened by the loss of |
| not only untrue, but also sets ridiculous standards that | | | | time and attention because of a new love interest, so |
| are not based in reality. Myths are particularly | | | | it's important to spend time alone with them and |
| prevalents and can be damaging when it comes to | | | | maintain the security of consistency around their |
| single parents dating with kids in the mix. | | | | schedule at home. Slowly introduce a new partner and |
| The challenges of dating when you already have | | | | gradually spend time together, being aware of the |
| children, are countless. The myths that couples | | | | child's comfort level. There are distinct stages of |
| experience in step dating are also not unlike the ones | | | | development in transitioning into a new relationship and |
| experienced in step families. And therefore having | | | | they are different for everyone; kids especially need to |
| good information, fact not fiction, about what you can | | | | move slowly. Remember, they are not usually on the |
| and should expect, is even more important. Instead of | | | | same emotional time table as the couple is |
| the couple enjoying the luxery of concentrating solely | | | | 3. Myth Expectation: We need to be equal partners in |
| on each other, they have to nurture their new | | | | co-parenting our kids. |
| relationship while balancing time with kids who may be | | | | Reality: The biological parent has the singular job of |
| transitioning between households. They have to figure | | | | disciplining and the dating partner should act only as a |
| out the relationship dynamics with the kids, and be | | | | friend, assuming the role of coach or mentor. It's |
| aware of the multiple missteps and pitfalls that can | | | | acceptable to emotionally support a dating partner in |
| derail the new dating relationship. And most importantly, | | | | their parenting role, but taking an active part in |
| they have to understand that the success and | | | | disciplining a partner's kids is guaranteed to inspire |
| sustainability of a new dating relationship is dependent | | | | resistance in the child, and ultimately resentment |
| on having realistic expectations, being flexible as the | | | | between dating partners. It should be avoided at all |
| relationship evolves, being proactive about the | | | | costs. The issue of children and discipline should be |
| challenges and understanding myth expectations | | | | discussed early on so there is no confusion about who |
| versus reality. | | | | is in the parental role. Most often people don't talk |
| Some of the common myths that impact on single | | | | about these issues and just hope things will go well; but |
| parents dating are: | | | | this is a recipe for disaster and can create even more |
| 1. Myth Expectation: We should love each other's | | | | confusion for the child(ren) involved. |
| children as much as we love each other And/or we | | | | 4. Myth Expectation: Our deep love for each other and |
| should love our partner's children as we would our | | | | devotion to the relationship will take care of any |
| own. | | | | challenges we come up against. |
| Reality: Just because dating single parents develop a | | | | Reality: Single parents dating with kids in the mix face |
| close and loving relationship, it doesn't mean that they | | | | a multitude of challenges on many different levels. |
| will instantly or ever love each other's children. | | | | Although it's romantic to believe that problems and |
| Relationships take time and when kids are less than | | | | issues will work themselves out because of the power |
| impressed when a parent starts to date, this can slow | | | | of love, the reality is the more informed couples are, |
| the process of becoming close and connected. Over | | | | the more prepared they will be to deal with inevitable |
| time, as friendship and trust grow, a deeper relationship | | | | hiccups. Being aware of issues, understanding the |
| may develop between a partner and the kids, but | | | | reality of myths, knowing what to anticipate and how |
| understand it can't be manufactured just because the | | | | to take action is a more effective relationship |
| parents have great chemistry. Love for the kids may | | | | insurance policy than depending solely on the magic of |
| follow and when it does it's a huge bonus, but it should | | | | love. Love is undeniably an important aspect of any |
| not be a condition for the adult relationship. In lieu of | | | | relationship, but awareness, acceptance, commitment |
| love, dating partners, can care for the well-being of | | | | and the willingness to take the time necessary to get |
| their partner's children, and have respect for what is in | | | | to know each other and to begin to appreciate what is |
| their best interests. This creates a much more solid | | | | required in a relationship that involves children, are |
| foundation for the success of the relationship and the | | | | absolutely critical ingredients for success. |