| We've all seen it. The toddler weeping as if her little | | | | "Grandma and Grandpa Billy Goat (okay, this may |
| heart will break as she clings to her mother's pant leg, | | | | make no sense to you, but my family understands |
| absolutely determined not to let Mom out of her sight. | | | | what I mean) are going to take you to the zoo this |
| Meanwhile, teacher, grandparent, or sitter stand by, | | | | afternoon, won't that be fun?" |
| desperately trying to coax the little Cling-On away with | | | | - Make the 'trade-off' quickly. When you arrive at your |
| noise making toys, promises of ice cream for dinner | | | | destination, carry your child if possible. Then hand your |
| and visions of "what FUN we're going to have." Mom | | | | child over to the sitter (you can do this in your living |
| then does one of two things. She stops, gathers her | | | | room too), or at preschool set your child down with |
| little one in her arms, and coos and cuddles her, calming | | | | other kids who are already involved with toys or |
| her down and thus giving in completely. You can | | | | something interesting. This is telling your child, okay, you |
| already see the wheels turning ("Well, I'll call Janice and | | | | were with Mommy or Daddy, now you're going to |
| just reschedule lunch for sometime next week. She'll | | | | spend some time with Grandma, or stay here and play |
| understand."). Or, flushing red with embarrassment at | | | | with these kids. |
| the attention the predicament is causing, she extracts | | | | - Give your child a kiss, say something upbeat "See |
| her leg from her little one and flees in a panic, | | | | you later!", "Be back before you know it!", and get out. |
| determined to get as far away as possible as quickly | | | | Do not stand around and discuss anything with the |
| as possible. | | | | teacher (if this needs to be done, ask the teacher to |
| So which reaction is the RIGHT one? Neither. | | | | step outside the room with you - out of sight of your |
| By giving in and staying with your little one, you are | | | | little one - or make an appt for when you come back |
| inadvertently teaching her to cry and throw a tantrum | | | | at the end of the day). Don't catch up with Grams, |
| until she gets what she wants. In this case, Mommy to | | | | save that for over the phone or later on when you're |
| stay. | | | | together. This quick, definitive action teaches your child |
| By beating a quick retreat, you are causing temporary | | | | some key things. Primarily, that this IS happening, and |
| separations to seem like abandonment in the eyes of | | | | there is no use getting upset over it. And secondly, that |
| your toddler. This only leads to a drastic increase in | | | | being separated is no big deal. It might even be fun. |
| fear and panic whenever you must be apart. | | | | Let's also all understand that there are going to be |
| Okay know it all, you're saying, so what am I | | | | good days and bad days. There WILL be days where |
| SUPPOSED to do? How would YOU handle the | | | | you walk out of the room to the sound of your |
| situation when you have banana now smeared all | | | | precious, adorable little child screaming in a violent rage |
| over your new silk pants, you're cruising on three hours | | | | of protest. And that sound is going to rip your heart out |
| sleep,one cup of coffee, and you're not even sure you | | | | with a jagged knife and shred your stomach to bits |
| remembered to rinse the shampoo out of your hair in | | | | with a rusty fork. You may very well get to your car |
| the shower this morning? Teach us, oh enlightened | | | | and find yourself beating the steering wheel mercilessly |
| one. | | | | and smearing your mascara around to your ear. AND |
| Well, don't get snippy about it, but I will. (By the way, I | | | | THAT'S OKAY. It's natural to feel upset about being |
| haven't put on deodorant in over 24 hours, and I think I | | | | separated from your child, just as it is natural for them |
| may currently have a hunk of half eaten pancake in | | | | to feel the same being separated from you. |
| my hair. Just wanted to share so you'd know we really | | | | Just remember that what you're working towards is |
| are on the same page here.) :-) | | | | establishing your child's independence and confidence |
| The best way to handle these necessary separations | | | | in themselves. Your child is no longer simply an |
| involves a few basic steps. | | | | extension of you. They are their own amazing little |
| - Prepare your toddler ahead of time. Remind them | | | | individual, and they need the chance to understand that. |
| the night before, the morning of, and on the way in the | | | | And giving them that chance is worth buying a padded |
| car. "Mommy has to go meet someone, but you get to | | | | steering wheel cover or reapplying as much mascara |
| spend time with Grams and Poppy today, and you | | | | as necessary. |
| guys are going to do all sorts of neat things!" Or | | | | |