| I have got two of them. You may have only one or | | | | to teach your teenager how an adult would behave. If |
| you may have 6. At the time of writing, mine are 14 | | | | they witness you engaging with them in a destructive |
| and 16. All full of hormones and letting the whole world | | | | way they will learn that this is how adults respond, and |
| know about it. They've got an opinion on everything | | | | they will repeat the behaviour in their own adult life. If |
| and they're always right. | | | | you think you deserve an apology then ask for one. It |
| Sound familiar? At this point may I say that you have | | | | may not be forthcoming, but that is up to them. You |
| my sympathies. | | | | only need to ask. Remember they are hormonal |
| First a few pertinent questions: have you searched for | | | | teenagers, and the last thing they want to do is accept |
| this article because your teenagers are driving you | | | | they are wrong. Your job as the parent is to show |
| crazy? Have you just lost your voice in the latest bout | | | | them that sometimes you have to hold your hands up |
| of yelling? Truth be told is all the energy you've got left | | | | and take responsibility for your actions. Bear in mind |
| going to your fingers while you type on your | | | | that the apology may come many years down the line, |
| keyboard? Is the keyboard taking the brunt of it right | | | | when they are facing the same situation with their |
| now? Bashing those keys are we? YES? Then read | | | | own teenagers. |
| on! This may help. | | | | 5. TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM: Why? Because |
| 1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH: In fact take as many | | | | you do. The bond between parent and child is not |
| breaths as you think you need. This will give you some | | | | broken because of a temporary hormonal imbalance |
| distance from the scenario and will defuse the intensity | | | | your child is enduring. Sometimes they need the |
| of the situation. It benefits both you and your beloved | | | | reassurance of hearing that you love them. Be the |
| teenager, and gives you a chance to consider if this is | | | | adult and just say it. |
| really how you wish to engage with each other. This | | | | 6. WALK AWAY: This is such an important stage in |
| may be the end of it and you might not need to read | | | | an argument with your teenager. Leave the room and |
| any more. Congratulations, and have a great day. | | | | let what you have said sink in. It may or may not have |
| However, if after doing this you still feel the need to | | | | an immediate impact but it will get through at some |
| re-engage then please continue reading. | | | | level, and walking away is a very powerful way of |
| 2. SAY YOUR PIECE: The operative word here being | | | | exercising self-control. |
| "say". Please try not to yell. When you have perfected | | | | At this point I was considering how I feel when things |
| this method, please email me and share how you did it | | | | have become difficult at home with my own teens, |
| without yelling. I was raised in a household where yelling | | | | and I'd like to suggest a bonus survival tactic. This does |
| was the norm, and even though as an adult I now | | | | actually take the count to 7 not 6 as stated in the title, |
| understand the negative impact on the children when | | | | but as far as teenagers go, every tip helps! So here's |
| we yell, I still do it on occasions. It's rare but it does still | | | | number 7, and this one's a biggie: |
| happen. Try to remember your words are the same | | | | 7. LET IT GO: Remember you want them to go out in |
| whether you yell or speak them. Say what you have | | | | to the big wide world fully kitted out with the toolbox of |
| to say, get your point across calmly and the chances | | | | social skills. You're the parent. They won't learn these |
| are you will be heard. If you yell and stomp (I'm not a | | | | lessons at school so take responsibility for teaching |
| stomper by the way) then the message gets lost and | | | | them. Also you have the benefit of experience. Your |
| they just won't hear you. Take as long as you need to, | | | | intensely hormonal teenager may think they know it all, |
| write it down if you have to, but get it out there. | | | | but you really do know it all. This won't be the first time |
| 3. STICK TO THE FACTS and don't use accusatory | | | | you have a disagreement, and the chances are it will |
| blaming language. Say "When you did that, it made me | | | | happen again. Why exhaust yourself every time? Life |
| feel_____", rather than "You're always acting up and | | | | really is too short, so give yourself a break and let it go. |
| you're so stupid and useless." Keep focused on the | | | | Rest assured they will remember and one day they |
| matter at hand, and avoid using this latest incident to | | | | will thank you for your calm, collected approach. |
| personify your child. Consider pointing out the "...stupid | | | | I really hope that my 7 survival tips have helped you, or |
| thing you did.." rather than "...you're so stupid.." Stay | | | | at least given you some food for thought. However, if |
| respectful and maintain your dignity at all times. | | | | your stress levels are affecting you and your family, |
| 4. GIVE AND ASK FOR AN APOLOGY: It may or | | | | then take a look at this unique program which may |
| may not be appropriate for you to apologise, but this is | | | | help you. If your home situation is becoming violent or |
| for you to assess. If you think that your actions may | | | | unmanageable then please contact your health care |
| have caused the argument in the first place then just | | | | provider who will provide practical help and support. |
| apologise. Remember you're the adult, and you want | | | | |