| It is a common question and a thought that is hard to | | | | disease and age may have altered your parent's body |
| avoid, especially if you are changing diapers, tying | | | | or mind, no matter how much or how little she can do |
| shoelaces, or dealing with incompetence or irrational | | | | or think for herself and no matter how much you are |
| outbursts. | | | | doing for her, she is an adult and deserves to be |
| Regardless of the circumstances...the answer is a | | | | treated as one. She has a lifetime of experience and a |
| flat-out and very definite "NO". You are not parenting | | | | wealth of time-tested opinions. She has earned her |
| your parent. If your parent is no longer able to care for | | | | autonomy and pride. She may have reverted to |
| herself, you may have new responsibilities; ones that | | | | childish ways but that does not make her a child. |
| may at times resemble those of parenting. | | | | For you, reversing the roles only leads to dead ends |
| But your parent is and always will be your parent and | | | | and frustration. After all, children grow and learn, and |
| you will always be her child. Go ahead and use some | | | | usually do what their parents tell them to do. If you try |
| of the same tricks that help in parenting...diversions to | | | | to parent your parent as you would a child without |
| get her onto a new subject: a baby monitor so you | | | | perceiving the vast differences in the two situations, |
| can hear trouble, or crib sheets for incontinence. But | | | | you will make things much harder for yourself. You will |
| allowing yourself to think that the roles have reversed, | | | | beat yourself up wondering why you are having such |
| that you are now the parent and your parent is a child, | | | | trouble with the task, and you will be angry with your |
| is a potentially disastrous way to look at this situation | | | | parent for not behaving as you want her to. |
| for both of you. | | | | Why doesn't she listen to me and do what I say? If |
| For your parent, it is dehumanizing to be treated or | | | | you behave as an adult and treat your parent as an |
| spoken to as a child, to be nagged, scolded or bossed | | | | adult...an aged adult who needs your respect as well |
| around, even if it's done in subtle ways. No matter how | | | | as your care, both of you will fare better. |