| Parents spend untold hours dealing with parenting | | | | starting arguments. This kind of public display in front of |
| issues during and after their divorce or separation. But | | | | the child and others is horrifying to children and makes |
| often this effort has the wrong focus. Instead of | | | | them want to dig a hole and jump in. You might think |
| looking at these issues only from their own | | | | you are making yourself look better by showing the |
| perspective, parents should try approaching them from | | | | world and the children how bad the other parent is, but |
| the children's perspective. | | | | such behavior really makes the children think less of |
| Here are a few examples of what I mean: | | | | you. |
| Parenting Time | | | | Sports Activities |
| I don't know why I can't see Daddy more. I know I | | | | I really, really want to play baseball! Mom is okay with it |
| spend the night with him two times a week, but each | | | | and she's even willing to pay without asking for help |
| time is so short. It's not enough! By the time Daddy | | | | from Dad. But, Dad says he won't let me play games |
| picks me up from daycare on Tuesday, I barely get | | | | on the weekends I'm with him, even if Mom drives. If I |
| time to spend with him before I have to do my | | | | can't make it to games, I can't be on the team. I used |
| homework. Then it's time to go to bed. He drops me | | | | to like spending time with Dad, but I hate it when he |
| off at school the next day and I don't see him again | | | | won't let me do any of my normal things when I'm at |
| until Friday night for one more night. I feel like I spend | | | | his house. It's not even like we're doing other fun stuff |
| more time saying good-bye to him than I do actually | | | | together, half the time we just watch TV. So what's |
| spending time with him. | | | | the problem with him taking me to my games and |
| While working out a parenting time schedule, parents | | | | watching me play? |
| will pour over calendars, counting up days, hours, and | | | | Parenting time is a time for you to parent. That's why |
| even minutes in an effort to design a schedule they | | | | it's no longer called visitation. Parenting includes letting |
| think is fair. They spend very little time, however, | | | | your children do the things kids do, like participating in |
| actually putting themselves in their children's shoes to | | | | activities outside of school and home. If you prevent |
| see how the schedule might feel to them. | | | | your children from taking part in sports or other |
| School Activities | | | | activities, you might gain some one-on-one time, but |
| I'm so excited about my concert next week at school. | | | | you risk damaging your relationship. Then, once they're |
| The choir is doing a whole program of patriotic songs | | | | old enough to choose, they might decide they don't |
| and I'm singing a solo! I'm hoping everyone can be | | | | want to spend time with you at all. |
| there - Mom, Daddy, Nana and Papa, and Grams and | | | | You can gain valuable insight if you allow yourself to |
| Gramps! I'm nervous about singing a solo in front of | | | | think like a child when facing divorce-related parenting |
| everyone, but I'm even more nervous worrying about | | | | issues. The voice you hear might sound very different |
| everybody getting along okay. I get so embarrassed | | | | from your own. Hopefully listening to that voice will help |
| when they say mean things in front of other people. | | | | you shape the choices you make in your divorce. |
| Sometimes, parents who are still angry and hurt over | | | | © 2008, Mary Wollard, J.D., Family Solutions |
| their separation or divorce don't know how to stop | | | | Center, LLC. |
| themselves from acting out with the other parent or | | | | |