| As a new father, I put a lot of pressure on myself to | | | | 3. Listened to my wife. I am blessed to have a |
| be the best dad possible. I don't want to make the | | | | dynamic and humble wife. She is great at keeping me |
| same mistakes as my father and I hope to be one | | | | in check. When I get upset and feel overwhelmed, she |
| day honored with the 'Father of the Year' award. This | | | | is there to offer me balance. So when I am about to |
| thinking was slowly driving me crazy. I analyzed every | | | | do something 'stupid' or am feeling righteous in relations |
| decision I made when it came to Connor. Am I going to | | | | to my son, she will challenge me. And although I may |
| screw my son up psychologically if I did this? Will he | | | | get upset at the time, I appreciate it. Lesson Learned - |
| hate me? and on and on. With all the information out | | | | My wife offers a perspective to a situation that helps |
| there on better parenting, there was no "Operation | | | | me fully think things through. She helps me keep my |
| Manual" specific to my child. Who knew? | | | | crap in check so I can relate to my son better. |
| Once I chilled out a bit, I looked at ways I can learn to | | | | |
| be a better father and here is what I did. | | | | 4. Talked honestly to other fathers. I don't usually like |
| | | | talking to other parents about parenting. It could just be |
| 1. Examined what I liked and disliked about my father's | | | | my experiences but I found two things: one, parents |
| parenting techniques. From this, I came up with a list of | | | | don't share a lot of their fears and thoughts in child |
| items that I believe is essential to be a better father; | | | | rearing and two, when they do share, it's really about |
| such as: keeping promises, spending quality time | | | | telling you what you need to do. When I did have |
| together, rewarding positive behaviours, respecting | | | | conversations with other fathers, I realized we all had |
| your child's mother, communicating, showing affection | | | | the same fears, irrational thoughts and concerns - |
| and modeling positive behaviour. My biggest realization | | | | things men may fear sharing with their wives. They |
| was that being a father is only 'one role' in my father's | | | | offered me a community of support and gave me |
| life. I only ever knew him as a father so I assumed | | | | comfort in knowing I am not alone. Lesson Learned - |
| that's all he is. This helped me appreciate my father | | | | There is no 'perfection' when it comes to being a |
| more as I now see him as a complete person. As an | | | | father. Being the father of the year is unrealistic and |
| adult, I am able to understand the parenting choices he | | | | my goal changed to be the best father I can be |
| made were influenced by the other roles in his life. If | | | | 'forever'. This realization took the pressure away and |
| my dad was stressed at work, he spent less time with | | | | knocked me off the pedestal. |
| me and was more likely to get angry easier. If work | | | | |
| was good, he spent more time with me and bought | | | | 5. Read what the 'Pros' did. With the Internet, it is so |
| me gifts. Lesson Learned - The roles I play impact on | | | | easy to get information on being a better parent. I read |
| one another and it is therefore, important for me to find | | | | a lot of stuff from other fathers, child psychologists, |
| balance. | | | | mothers, health care professionals, and midwives. |
| | | | Although it is easy to get information, it is also |
| 2. Observed my son. It's incredible how we, as adults, | | | | overwhelming. Everyone has a different perspective |
| lose sight of what it was like to be a child. I took some | | | | on practically every issue from immunization to |
| time and observed my son. I watched him play and | | | | disciplining your child to breastfeeding. Some issues |
| interact with other kids/adults. I observed his behaviour | | | | (immunization) are literally divided in the middle - so |
| when he was sick, happy, sad and scared. I just took it | | | | making an informed choice becomes difficult. Lesson |
| all in. It was an incredible experience. He is pure heart | | | | Learned - Minimize the information and use the 'Force' |
| and soul. Totally innocent and free. When he is happy, | | | | - common sense and parenting intuition. In my opinion, |
| he just laughs his face off (right from the gut); when he | | | | too much information is not only overwhelming, but |
| is sad, he let's you know; when he is sick, he wants | | | | potentially harmful. So now, I research what I need, |
| affection; and when he has something to say, he says | | | | then let my heart guide me. |
| it (maybe too honest). There are no games, no hidden | | | | The most important Lesson Learned from these five |
| agendas; maybe a little drama from time to time, but | | | | steps was to follow my heart. Some of the parenting |
| overall, its all coming from the heart. Lesson Learned - | | | | information, although it makes sense, is in my opinion |
| Children are honest and authentic and they want the | | | | counter-intuitive. When I am stuck between Ferberizing, |
| same in return. When I am 'real' with my son, I feel I | | | | Fockerizing or Baby Whispering, I go to the one place |
| connect with him better. Not only has this made me a | | | | that I know, my heart and what feels right. It is what I |
| better father, it has also helped me in other aspects of | | | | used to create my son and it is what I will use to care |
| my life. | | | | for him. |
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