| We spend a lot of time in our divorce parenting | | | | may want your ex to move back in, but remind them |
| classes teaching parents what their child needs during | | | | that you do not support this thought. It is time to move |
| and after a divorce. One lesson that we can't stress | | | | on with your lives. |
| enough is what children don't need. Are you guilty of | | | | Seeing you argue with your ex |
| these? | | | | Arguing in front of the kids causes insecurity. Their self |
| Destructive remarks | | | | esteem can drop and they may lose confidence in |
| If you find yourself saying any of these, stop right now. | | | | relationships, growing up to be distrustful of creating a |
| These remarks hurt your child and damages his trust in | | | | healthy relationship with another person. Many jealousy |
| your and/or his self esteem. | | | | issues are the result of watching their own parents |
| "If he loved you, he'd be on time with his child support | | | | argue. Their trust in relationships are shattered. |
| checks." (If your child believes you, he now feels | | | | Before becoming involved in any argument, ask |
| worthless and unloved. If he doesn't believe you, your | | | | yourself if it is worth it. If so, postpone it until the |
| child will begin to question whether you tell the truth.) | | | | children are not around. |
| "He was a bad person." (Children are a part of your | | | | A divorce is something that we simply don't prepare |
| ex. If your ex was a bad person, children will think they | | | | for. When it happens, we are so busy trying to adjust, |
| are bad too.) | | | | that we often forget the kids. We are so angry that |
| "He's fifteen minutes late. If he's late one more time, | | | | we often say or do things without thinking about how it |
| you aren't going to go." (This is a threat to your child. | | | | might affect the kids. |
| Too many threats like this, and resentment will begin | | | | We may not see the effects our actions have on our |
| building - against you.) | | | | children, but when they get old enough to have their |
| "You better straighten up or you can go live with your | | | | own relationships, how they react to those relationships |
| father." (This has backfired many times. It could | | | | are the lessons they learned from watching you. Think |
| backfire on you.) | | | | about how you handle yourself and what you say to |
| Dishonesty | | | | your children - it will be the basis they use for their own |
| Many children have questions about the divorce. | | | | relationships a few years from now. |
| Others try to get their parents back together. The best | | | | If your divorce court does not require you to take a |
| way to deal with questions is to be ready for them | | | | parenting class, you may want to consider taking one |
| and speak honestly without going in to detail about the | | | | anyway. You will learn ways to help your children |
| hurt and pain. Evading their questions is the same as | | | | through the divorce as well as learning parenting |
| being dishonest. Your children have valid questions. | | | | techniques that will help make your family relationships |
| They deserve honest answers. Prepare for their | | | | better than you ever dreamed. A divorce parenting |
| questions about your divorce. | | | | class will teach you new ways to get along better with |
| If they still blind-side you with a question you are not | | | | your ex. Some of our divorce parenting class students |
| prepared for, simply say, "Let me get my thoughts | | | | have written us telling us that the techniques they |
| together and we will talk about that question later." - | | | | learned helped them in dealing with their ex - and also |
| and then, take a few minutes later to bring up the | | | | helped in dealing with co-workers and other people in |
| question and give your answer. | | | | their daily life. |
| Tell your children that you trust them to be able to | | | | A divorce is hard enough. You can find techniques to |
| adapt to the changes. Remind them that it's OK to | | | | turn your life around! |
| love the other parent. Acknowledge that your child | | | | |