| You’re right in the middle of disciplining your child. | | | | your spouse that there may be other options to |
| Emotions are running hot. You give your child a | | | | consider. Regardless, you are setting a much-needed |
| consequence for the misbehavior and your spouse | | | | boundary that this is an adult matter and that the two |
| steps in and disagrees with how you’re handling | | | | of you will handle it accordingly. |
| the situation. You feel criticized, unsupported and upset. | | | | Tip #4: Check in with the other parent to see if |
| The whole thing goes downhill from there. | | | | they’ve alreadymade a decision.Many children will |
| It would be impossible for two parents to agree 100% | | | | use the one-liner, “Dad said that I could” to get |
| of the time on how to handle misbehavior, so let’s | | | | what they want. When hearing this line from your child, |
| just agree that you’re going to disagree sometimes. | | | | a wise thing to do is to actually ask the other parent if |
| You may have different parenting styles, different hot | | | | s/he has already given approval to your child’s |
| buttons and different expectations than your spouse. | | | | request. Again, thisdemonstrates to your child that as |
| That’s understandable. You were raised by | | | | parents you are united and will support each other. |
| different parents and have absorbed certain values | | | | Usually your child starts back peddling if s/he is trying |
| and discipline methods that helped shape who you are. | | | | to manipulate you. |
| Yet, every day you’re called upon to make | | | | Tip #5: Develop 3-4 family rules that you can agree to |
| decisions regarding your children. So how can the two | | | | follow |
| of you show a united front when it’s necessary, | | | | up with consistently using the same discipline method. |
| give each other the support that you need and | | | | One of the best methods for two parents to be |
| prevent your child from playing you against one | | | | consistent is to develop a few family rules for |
| another? | | | | behaviors that are most important in your family. For |
| This will take a little work, but it’ll be worth the | | | | instance, all families should have a rule that “No |
| effort. Your children will be your children for many | | | | one’s body will be hurt by hitting, kicking, biting, |
| years to come, so taking the time to establish some | | | | etc.” Aconsistent discipline action should be applied |
| guidelinesnow will result in better parenting, less | | | | by both parents when physical aggression occurs. For |
| frustration and clearer expectations for your child. | | | | complete details on creating family rules and |
| Here are eight tips to guide you. | | | | consequences refer to this article: |
| Tip #1: Reach an agreement to support each other | | | | |
| publicly (or at least remain neutral). | | | | Parents will never agree on how to handle all offenses, |
| You’ve heard about the importance of presenting | | | | but if parents respond consistently to the top three |
| a united front so your child can’t divide and conquer | | | | behaviors, it will make a significant impact. |
| and it’s true. It’s confusing to your child when | | | | Tip #6: Agree that smaller offenses can be handled at |
| you argue about consequences in front of them. | | | | the discretionof the parent in charge. |
| Children with a manipulative nature will use the situation | | | | Once you have your family rules in place, try not to |
| to their advantage. Usually what happens is that you | | | | sweat the small stuff. It can be beneficial for children to |
| get embroiled in your own debate and the discipline | | | | learn different methods of problem-solving and |
| action gets forgotten. It also undermines your | | | | communication, so if your spouse parents a little |
| spouse’s parental authority in front of your child, | | | | differently, it may actually benefit your child. For |
| which is something youdon’t want to do. | | | | instance, some parents are better at using humor to |
| Tip #2: Develop a signal.Let’s say that you strongly | | | | move through tough situations and if you’re open to |
| disagree with the other parent’s choice of discipline. | | | | it, you can learn what works moreeffectively with |
| Agree ahead of time on a signal that you can give | | | | each child. |
| that means, “Take a break. Let’s talk about | | | | |
| this.” Perhaps making a T sign with your hands to | | | | Tip #7: Never say, “Wait ‘til your father (or |
| signal a time out would be a good choice. | | | | mother) gets home!” |
| Tip #3: Talk privately about the child’s offense and | | | | When a statement like this is made it undermines the |
| how it should be handled. | | | | authority of the parent who says it and makes the |
| There are few discipline actions that can’t wait for | | | | other parent the “bad cop.” |
| a few minutes. Taking the time to leave the room and | | | | It’s important that you both share equally in |
| talk privately with your spouse about how to handle | | | | disciplining yourchildren. |
| the situation is a respectful way of communicating to | | | | |