| Parenting Question | | | | or both parents. |
| "After a turbulent 18 years of marriage, I believe my | | | | 4. Better behaved-hoping that this will save their |
| husband and I will begetting a divorce soon. We've split | | | | parents' marriage. |
| up lots of times before (due to both his andmy affairs) | | | | 5. Involved with risk-taking activities (i.e. skipping class, |
| and we've tried counseling, but this time I think it is | | | | turning to drugsand alcohol, becoming sexually active, |
| finallyover. There is too much hurt and too much anger. | | | | etc.) |
| Cliché of me perhaps, but Ihave stayed because | | | | 6. Withdrawn from one parent as a form of |
| of my kids. I just want to know, how does divorce | | | | punishment-while taking the side ofthe other parent. |
| reallyaffect teenagers? I have two teens: a | | | | Fortunately, you can mitigate some of these negative |
| 14-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy."-Soon-To-Be | | | | effects by: |
| Single Mom | | | | 1. Maintaining current family routines (as much as |
| Positive Parenting Tip for Teenagers Dealing with | | | | possible) and ensuring thatyour kids have quality time |
| Divorce | | | | with both you and your husband. |
| Dear Soon-To-Be Single Mom: | | | | 2. Resisting the urge to lean on your teens for support |
| Bottom line-getting a divorce will rock your teens' | | | | and instead seekingcounseling and the support of your |
| world. | | | | own friends. |
| Yet chances are your children have already | | | | 3. Taking a vow of silence whenever you feel |
| experienced the negative affects ofyour strained | | | | compelled to speak ill of yourhusband while in the |
| relationship to your husband. Yongmim Sun, assistant | | | | presence of your children. |
| professor at | | | | 4. Ensuring that your teens have support from friends |
| Ohio State, conducted a National Education Longitudinal | | | | and family. Researchsuggests that support from |
| Study with over 10,000students and concluded that: | | | | extended members of your family and community |
| "The negative effects that we associate withdivorce | | | | canmake a world of difference when it comes to |
| are actually evident in teens at least one year before | | | | having your teens successfullysurvive a divorce. |
| the marriage hasended.... It's not accurate to say | | | | 5. Finding a counselor for your teens that they like and |
| divorce doesn't matter at all, but it is truethat much of | | | | can confide in (schoolcounselors are sometimes useful |
| the damage to adolescents has already occurred | | | | to consult). |
| before the divorce." | | | | 6. Continuing to expect respect from your teens and |
| (Journal of Marriage and Family, August 2001). | | | | maintaining your currenthousehold rules. |
| So how will your teens react? There is no way to tell | | | | Divorce (and the lead up to divorce) puts a strain on |
| for certain, but generallyteens and pre-teens dealing | | | | everyone in the family. Bystriving to make your divorce |
| with their parents divorce may become: | | | | as amicable as possible, by finding support foryour |
| 1. Angry and highly critical of their parents' decision. | | | | teens and counseling for you, and by staying |
| 2. Depressed or withdrawn from both parents, while | | | | connected with your childrenyou will get through |
| seeking stronger connectionswith peers. | | | | this-and so will they. |
| 3. Disillusioned with marriage and feel rejected by one | | | | |