| What concerns me, as a high school governor, is that | | | | as worthwhile will be less inclined to fall foul of bad |
| many parents see their role as parent change | | | | influences and break the rules of society. Before you |
| completely when their child leaves primary school and | | | | start stoning me as heretic and quoting individual cases |
| moves to the high school. Yes it is true that most | | | | where a well-adjusted child fell foul of the rules of |
| children do not want Mum or Dad to escort them to | | | | society, hear me out. |
| the school gates as they did when at primary school, | | | | Do you like to be congratulated for doing a good job? |
| they lose their street ‘cred’ if it happens, | | | | Whether that job is in your work place or baking an |
| but it would also appear that many parents appear to | | | | apple pie the family devour with relish? We all |
| leave the development of the child through those | | | | appreciate being told we have done well. |
| difficult teenage years to the teachers of the school. | | | | Children are no different, the only difference is that |
| In a recent survey of children conducted by the DfES, | | | | when you tell a child they have done well, as long as it |
| it was amazing to see that 37% admitted to being | | | | is sincere and not ‘luvvy duvvy!’ you are |
| disobedient at home compared to school. This does | | | | building their confidence and self- esteem. You must |
| need further examination. | | | | play that major role as a parent of pre-teenage and |
| Your teenage child comes home from school dumps | | | | teenage children. |
| them selves on the sofa and declares, ‘Nobody | | | | Building your child’s confidence grows out of a |
| likes me’. What do you do? | | | | healthy, interactive, and mutually respectful relationship. |
| Now the fact that most teenagers are subject to | | | | Although they are loosening the apron strings and |
| mood swings there could well be a deeper reason | | | | appear to be flying the coop, they still need that vital |
| behind the words. Before verbally attacking the school, | | | | contact and strong relationship where they can return |
| can I suggest that you look at what you may have | | | | to, to rebuild their self-esteem when the hard world |
| done in the past to bring this about? Most teenagers | | | | knocks them back. |
| want to feel accepted and need to establish a | | | | It is possible to be a pal to your sibling while still |
| personal identity. | | | | maintaining the role of parent. Have fun, laugh at your |
| It is your responsibility as a parent to help develop your | | | | own inability to understand the latest fashion or music. |
| child’s self-confidence and self esteem. It is | | | | Make sure that you have quality family time, go out for |
| fortunately not too late to re-define your role. It is vitally | | | | lunch or dinner as a family and most important use the |
| important to balance sincere praise with sensitive | | | | time to let them talk instead of being lectured to. Ask |
| criticism. | | | | for their views on the world, news items even teenage |
| No one will pretend that it is easy to criticise a | | | | behaviour you will be surprised how over a little time |
| teenager even using the most sensitive of phrases, but | | | | they will open up and talk, yes teenagers can talk. |
| it all depends on the role you have played as a parent | | | | They need to appreciate that you hold their opinions |
| during the formative years of your child. Again, it is no | | | | dear; they need to know that they can please you. If |
| reason to opt out of responsibility blaming school staff | | | | they feel, their opinions count for nothing and they |
| and youth leaders for the misdemeanours of youth. | | | | cannot please you they will stop trying and the fabric |
| A very successful technique is called ‘catch | | | | of the family breaks down. |
| them doing something right | | | | So sorry, but if you have unruly teenagers don’t |
| It is so easy to spot when things are going wrong, but | | | | look at the school, their peer group, the social |
| for every negative response you give, try giving three | | | | environment, look inwards on yourself, have you |
| positive responses. | | | | caused it and what can you do to remedy the |
| A child, teenager, young adult who views themselves | | | | situation. |